Learning the Hokey Pokey

Aloha Kalikimaka

"Matthew, What Does Santa Say?"

All day every day it's this from Mommy and Daddy: "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?"

My parents evidently have a terrible memory if they can never remember what Santa says. For the last time, he says, "Ho ho," and looks like this when saying it:

A Little Privacy, Please

A few weeks ago, I requested permission to utilize the toilet by pointing to it and saying, "I pee." Since then I have spent what seems like countless minutes on the pot without any real noticeable production. I have to admit that it is a little difficult to do your business with two parents eagerly anticipating and sticking their faces in close and asking, "anything yet?" Then there is the whole stage fright factor causing me to keep my external urethral orifice closed while in the presence of the paparazzi.

The potty I am using is quite comfortable. It modifies the toilet seat to accommodate smaller posteriors such as mine. There is also an adapter for boys that helps to reduce the effects of poor aim called a 'Deflector Shield' (no joke). The creators of this potty must have been Trekkies or big Star Wars fans. Anyway, I think it is time for me, Captain Matthew, to have another round of practice: Set course for relief. Tushy in place. Deflector shield up... Engage!

Return of the Red Dot

Yesterday the red dot was back, and Onyx ("Onin") and I were again on the case:

If I had to theorize to what this little red spot is, I would venture to say that it is a Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. I will call this a LASER. And this begs to ask the question, is this safe for little boys to be exposed to? Either way, it is still just an elusive, blasted red dot!