Origins of Matthew

Hi, it's me, Matthew. It's probably a little difficult to see me when I'm wearing these white pajamas. My complexion is so white and pale that I'm probably all hair, eyes, and lips to you. Why is my skin like this? It may be because if the sun happens to direct some of its rays at me Mommy will jump in the way and sacrifice her own body just to keep the light off of my skin. With these kinds of things Mommy is faster than the speed of light. She says that, like her and Daddy, the sun will burn my skin and I'll become red if only exposed to the sun for a few seconds. I've gathered that being overly white has something to do with my heritage. Now, I know I'm not going to remember to include and get everything right, but I did some investigating on my heritage and this is what I found. Daddy says that I am a European mixture: from French political exiles to horse stealing Dutchmen, pillaging Norwegians, and mostly, "silly" Irishmen. I'm not sure what the "silly" refers to but Daddy says we should just keep it at that for now. He said he'd clue me in when I'm 21 if I haven't figured it out by then. Mommy and Daddy predicted they would have very light complected, almost translucent skinned children. I must be living verification of that prediction.