Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Stock Market, Obituaries, Matthew's Blog

The title above refers to my Great Gramp's daily Internet routine.  I'm happy, that out of the three, I was able to provide the one positive website viewing experience.  Whether you're a long time viewer or a newbie to this blog, I hope you've enjoyed my life-chronicling posts as part of your own Internet routine.

I doubt my blogging days are over for good.  However, I think I need a break and feel this is a good time for that.  A small break was coming anyway next week as my little family and I are taking our first vacation together.  Furthermore, I'm getting older and my morning routine is changing a bit as a result.  Morning naps are nearing an end and I'd rather partake in hearty playtime instead of sitting at my computer.  As you are aware, I like being the center of attention and I'd rather have the eyes of my production crew solely on me and not the computer, and for them to spend all of their time entertaining me and playing with me.  Besides, my viewership numbers have been down for the past few months.  Do I need to reinvent myself?  Probably not.  Nevertheless, I've lost one of my biggest fans and I need some time to regain that spirit of entertainment in this medium.  Don't get me wrong- I'm always willing to entertain a clapping, receptive audience.  For the time being, though, you'll just have to come directly to the source (me) to receive it.  If you have a problem with this then you may take it up with my agent.

For now, I'd like to say thanks for tuning in, Great Gramp, and allowing me to share with you my new and happy life.  Sweet dreams.  We love you.  And this one's for you...

Monday, April 26, 2010

Gender-Neutral Toys


This picture was taken last night before Mommy, Daddy, and I left to go to a dinner with my playgroup.  As you can see, I looked good.  My corduroy jacket is a real eye-catcher.  It was the first time the playgroup got together "after hours" for dinner, allowing everyone (all the working mommies and daddies) to come.  "Everyone" included Mommy, who was finally able to meet my playgroup friends.  She approves of this particular peer network for me and will allow my participation in it to continue.  "It's good," she said to me after we left my friend's house, "that your friends are not only cute, but are clean and the pro-created products of successful parents."  During dinner, I was the only boy of five toddlers sitting around the kitchen table in our portable highchairs.  There was one other boy there, but his parents forgot his chair.  Too bad, I thought at first, but that left more ladies for me.  I had a great time playing with all of the hostess's toys.  She had a play kitchen that I played with and reorganized for about 45 minutes.  It was quite the deluxe kitchen, bigger and fancier than the one Daddy brought up for me this morning.  My "new" kitchen is another hand-me-down from my cousins.  Even though I was tired this morning and it was smaller, I still had a wonderful time playing with it.


Plans are already in the works to upgrade my kitchen a bit.  I'm still trying to decide whether I want granite or silestone countertops and stainless steel or black appliances.  I should probably go with black since my greasy, sticky hands will surly show on the stainless.  I'm considering my new kitchen a gender-neutral toy, even though it stands out amongst my John Deere equipment and other boy-suggestive toys.  It's probably important I become familiar with cooking, considering Mommy and Daddy's limited attention spans in the kitchen.  I doubt they have any problem with me donning a chef hat in the near future in order to prepare them and I some nice meals.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Fun Part of Learning

As you all know, I have an "issue" with my sippy cup.  Immediately after taking a swig from it, I just throw the cup.  I can't help myself.  It's automatic- like hitting a baseball and dropping the bat and running to first base.  The cup typically falls and crashes on the kitchen floor producing a loud noise that transmits a quiver to and throughout the nerves of Daddy's body.  Yesterday, we worked on controlling my issue.


As you can see, I was able to control myself.  Now let's see if my lesson carried over to this morning.


Yes, the lesson carried over.  I did learn and do understand and you can see that with the "no" expressed through the side-to-side motion of my head.  Sometimes learning and understanding, however, have nothing to do with what I want to do.  I feel there's more fun in defiance and a better lesson in seeing what I can get away with. 

I suggest you give this defiance thing a try.  Go ahead and defy someone today.  Have fun with it and...


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Wanted: Daytime Care


Daytime care needed for charming, handsome toddler.  Semi-superhero, dynamic abilities a must.  All-day alertness and quick feet also required.  Must provide snacks and meals when I want with no regard to convenience.  Experience in making grilled cheese and French toast a plus.  Candidate should be funny and entertaining on demand.  Supply of other like-minded, clean, handsome children to play with a plus (please, no less than a 2:1 girl-to-boy ratio).  House cleaning not required except for an occasional snotty nose, one daily putrid smelling diaper, and one end-of-day clean up before Mommy gets here so it "looks like nothing happened."  My house, your house, or daycare setting optional, preferably which ever has the best toys and the most, least child friendly nick-knacks for me to get into.  Availability of books for throwing and rearranging, but not necessarily reading, also a plus.  Candidate must posses ability to translate "da" into all of its many possible meanings and be willing to constantly pick up thrown sippy-cups and socks from floor.  Inability to handle or tolerate bites on shoulders, pinching of neck skin, or receiving a body flailed double leg kick when removing me from changing table need not apply.  Money is no object as my parents are willing to pay more than they are actually able.  Room and care for one large, perpetually shedding dog also required.  Presence of turned on ceiling fans in every room preferred but not a must.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Big Boy's Toys


It's a beautiful day and therefore a great opportunity to ride.  But which of my many modes of transportation do I choose?  I think I'll try them all.


Evidently, my legs aren't quite long enough to reach the pedals on my Trike Bike.  I'd like to go even faster but I just can't right now.  It's not funny!  I'll grow into it- you'll see!

Here is something that is funny.  It's a picture of me after swimming with Mommy at the Y last night.  I'm keeping myself entertained inside a locker while wearing a swim diaper and a cow towel over my head.


Unfortunately, because taking pictures in certain areas invades people's privacy, Mommy is now banned from the locker room at the Y.  They even posted a picture of her face on the locker room door with a sign below it that reads, "NO!"  Oh well.

Before I go and take my morning nap, I'd like to say a special hello to you, Great Gramp.  So... Hello, Great.  We're thinking about you and we love you.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Money Look


Do these glasses make me look smart?  I hope so.  I'm meeting with a potential daycare this afternoon and my goal is to impress.  I have a little suit and tie all ready to go and everything.  Daddy had me work on my arts and letters this morning in case I'm quizzed.


Daddy says that people who wear small circular hats and are good with money may own the daycare, which I would attend in the fall.  I wouldn't need to wear anything special on my head as the daycare/school is attended and operated by people from all different hat backgrounds.  Regardless, and as you saw in the video, I practiced wearing my metal bowl hat anyway.  After snack, I'll work on understanding my personal finances and displaying my serious, "money" look:

Monday, April 19, 2010

Tiny Bubbles

Another cold took up residence in my system this past weekend.  On Saturday, I had my first (known) fever.  I was "hot" and miserable for most of the day.  I'm feeling a lot better now, but I'm still a sneezing, snotty mess and will probably have to reschedule my public appearances for this week.  Here I'll use these tiny soap bubbles to illustrate what the snot bubbles look like that form from my nose.


Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some rest.


Enjoy your Monday.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cool Wind In My Hair


It's Friday- time to get out and experience the fresh air and feel the wind in your hair!



Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Uh-Oh!

For two days, we have lost the ability to control our TV remotely.  We have two controls capable of controlling the TV and neither one of them have any influence or command now.  Something's broken?  "Uh-oh," let me take a look.


I drove my tractor to where I thought the remote would be.  It was nowhere to be found and I looked everywhere!  Oh, there it is.


As you can see, once I found the remote control I did everything I could to troubleshoot why it was not working with the TV.  I listened to it, held it, and patted it.  Nothing worked.  I guess Mommy and Daddy will have to get off the couch for once and change the volume (they change the channels through the cable box).

Mommy and Daddy didn't really like the idea of getting up every time they have to change the volume.  Apparently, while I'm sleeping, they can keep the volume at a normal level.  But, if I make a noise or wake, they quickly turn the volume down, hoping that I'll fall back to sleep.  There can be many ups and downs, volume-wise, during my first hour or so of sleeping.  I decided to help them again and take one more crack at it.  Daddy was watching a game this afternoon, soon after he finally gave up trying to fix the remote.  He's tried everything the past two days.  Then I remembered what might help.  I picked up the remote and threw it hard on the coffee table.  The TV responded at the exact point of impact between the remote and coffee table.  Everything works now.  I don't know why I didn't do that in the first place, especially since it was the same exact thing I did the other day just before it stopped working.  My new nickname around the house is Matthew "The Repairman" D.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Who Wears Short Shorts?


Last night, before Mommy took me to the pool to swim, I modeled my new swim diapers.  I know... I do make them look good and that's why Huggies signed me to model their products.  I like them because they "hug" just right.  I then put on my swim trunks and was ready to go.


Maybe someday I'll follow in Mommy's footsteps and be a swimmer.  Hah!  Get it?  Did you see Mommy's shoe in the picture above?  She steps while in her sho- oh never mind.

People always ask me what it is that I do when I'm home chilling and not in the public eye and whether I'm still the same awesome guy I am while under the spotlight.  I respond that my day is typical and that I put my pants on like anyone else: they magically appear on my legs while I lie down on my changing table.  So you want to know what my typical day at home consists of.  As I've explained before, after three to four hours of napping, two meals and two snacks, several diaper changes, and meeting the demanding schedule that my agents cooks up, there's not much time left in the day.  I still manage to get some things in.  Instead of describing everything, I'll give you a peak at my "typical," quiet day.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Helmet Cam


Yeah, that didn't work so well.  I blame the shoddy construction.  I'll just have to order a real helmet camera from helmetcamera.com.

My little family and I recently joined the YMCA.  I went with Daddy for the first time yesterday thinking we would hit the weights and pump some iron together.  We're going to the beach in less than a month and I want my arm muscles so big that it appears I'm carrying invisible suitcases in both hands when I walk.  I was also planning on working on my outside jumper on the basketball court.  However, when we arrived at the "Y," Daddy placed me on a play mat in a giant playroom with other children my age and said goodbye.  I thought he simply wanted me to practice my goodbye wave.  Instead, he really meant it and didn't come back for 45 minutes!  There's no crying in baseball and there's no crying when there are new-to-me toys about.  I decided to make the best of my time.  A few other kids were crying, but I managed to keep my composure and flashed my famous smile.  I'm easy and adaptable and that's why, when he returned, Daddy said I was a "good boy."  If I did cry, would that have meant I was a bad boy?  It shouldn't as far as I'm concerned.  It sounds like a good experiment though.  Maybe I'll try it next time to hear Daddy's reaction, possibly making him reconsider dropping me off while he has fun without me.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Thirteen Months


Yesterday, this picture was taken.  Today, utter disappointment ensues.  There have been no gifts to celebrate my 13-month milestone.  Mommy did not whip up a train cake.  No new balloons floated throughout the house.  No one visited.  And no 'Happy Birthday' was sung by a crowd of people.  Why can't 13 be more like 12?  I've been informed that I have to wait 11 months more before a party for me can kick into high gear once again.  It is what it is.  There's nothing left to do now but put this rubber ducky in my mouth and vent my frustration with each bite of its beak.  Plus, it just feels good in easing the pain caused by my dreadfully slow growing teeth.


Honestly, I'm feeling fine.  I simply wanted to illustrate my flare for the dramatic.  But, if you do feel pity, and feel that my story is touching, then you may send me a gift.  Thank you.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Host With The Most

Today Daddy and I are hosting playgroup.  We were busy this morning cleaning things up and removing dog hair from everywhere.  Before Mommy left for work, she said we had better clean up the house good because she doesn't "want the playgroup mothers spreading rumors around town that we live like peasants."  Don't worry, Mommy, I'm working hard this morning.  I also plan to be extra charming (if that's even possible) and polite to our guests.  I'll make this a first-rate play date.

I wanted to help Daddy vacuum so I grabbed my popper-vacuum and got to work: 


When I got bored of vacuuming, I played with my toys or followed Daddy around.  Of course, this isn't anything new.  What was different was that I walked on my own quite a bit without anyone saying, "Come here, Matthew, come to Mommy (or Daddy)."  Sometimes I feel like a dog in obedience class.  I don't know why my parents don't just say, "Heel, boy, heel."

Before I go and charm the heck out the girls in my playgroup, I'd like to ask you all a question.  Do you like seefood?


See... food! (that was for you, Cousin Marcy).


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Magic Poop


As you can see from my expression in the video, crayons do not taste very good.  For some reason I just can't seem to quit biting little pieces off from the tip.  And take it from me- they take a long time to chew.  Any time that Daddy would attempt to remove them from my mouth, I'd bite his finger very hard.  Yes, fortunately these crayons are nontoxic.

I'd like to discuss something that just happened to me about a half-hour ago.  If you don't like potty talk then I wouldn't continue.  I apologize but I can't help it- it's a major part of my life.  First, a quick bit of information.  Ever since I really started eating big people food I've been having a little bit of trouble... well... you know... pushing the food out.  It really sucks.  Every morning I gasp and groan, and sometimes I need Mommy or Daddy to hold me so I can brace myself.  The past two weeks have been the worst.  My doctor, along with renowned scientists and nutritionists from around the world, has experimented with different foods, combination of foods, drinks, voodoo, and special formulas for me to try.  Things have been getting a little better, but not satisfactory... until this morning.  Whatever I ate yesterday sure worked today.  As Daddy changed my diaper, he verified that the contents of said diaper appeared how the doctor wanted.  Daddy got me all cleaned up, picked me up from the changing table, put me on the floor, and froze.  Somehow, what was thought to be a clean change, was and wasn't.  Everything was a go from the waist down.  However, the back of my neck and the entire back of my head was covered.  There was no link from diaper area to head area, yet there we were.  Daddy stripped me and threw me in the bath.  This is only the second bath Daddy has given me since I was a few months old.  It was fun but quick.  I don't think he was in the mood.  Sorry, Mommy, that I, at least for today, ruined the awesome outfit you dressed me in this morning.  Don't worry; I have some other clothes in which to strut around.


Anyway, the "scene" is being investigated right now.  We have a bunch of smart people with puzzled looks huddled around my changing table.  They seemed convinced that there must have been a second pooper.  Is my twin brother who lives in the basement getting his revenge?  Regardless, I feel great and now I'm going to ask them to leave.  After all this work (and relief), I'm tired and would like some privacy in my own room.

Good-nap.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Matthew The Ninja

It was beginning to be another boring morning.  I wasn't sure what activity to partake in so I played a CD that I received for my birthday in order to find some inspiration.  The second song on the Barenaked Ladies album for children, Snack Time, was all I needed.  That's when I dressed in black clothes, grabbed a a Japanese wok-spatula sword, and pretended I was a ninja.


This song is quite fitting for me.  I can be 'unspeakably violent' with my nails and teeth (see Mommy's neck and Daddy's shoulders, respectively) and I typically 'do whatever [I] please.'  However, I'm not usually 'silent' and I leave plenty of 'crumbs on the ground.'  And if you're familiar with me at least a little, you know that when I crawl through the house, get into cabinets, drawers, and places I probably shouldn't be, there's no mistaking later that I was previously there.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Opening Day


I believe that opening day of Major League Baseball was officially yesterday and the first game Sunday night, a marvelous affair in which the Yankees lost, thankfully.  The Orioles begin their season tonight so this is my official opening day.  I can't wait.  Sure, the odds of the Orioles winning the World Series this season is probably equal to that of Vermont winning the NCAA men's basketball tournament.  I probably threw you off in picking Vermont to win it all.  What do I know; I'm only a year old.  Instead, the Blue Satan's won the tournament.  Anyway, the Orioles have a lot of potential and opening day is a fresh and new beginning.  I'm also psyched that the Orioles catcher, a guy named Matt, was on the cover of Sports Illustrated a few weeks ago.  He's my favorite player, of course.


I'm wearing my Orioles practice outfit today in preparation for tonight's game.  Actually, my game-time wear no longer fits and Daddy refuses to pay $41.99 for a new, official, white and likely to be stained by a one-year-old, Orioles jersey.  I guess I can't blame him.


I know what you're thinking.  You're saying to yourself, 'Boy, that kid has a better throwing arm than the President of the United States.'  In case you missed it, and I don't know how you could, the president threw (or lofted) out the first pitch at yesterday's Washington Nationals game.  Despite the risk of losing my feminist readers, I'm perfectly willing to say that the president throws like a girl.  Mommy could throw better left-handed than Barry can and Mommy can barely throw with her natural right-hand.  Honestly, my great-grandmother, Ge, can throw better than Barry can and she has a torn rotator cuff.  To top it off, Barry wore both a Nationals jacket and a White Sox hat!  He must be confused.  I really need to put a call in to my good buddy Barry and tell him not to do that anymore.  Not only is it bad for his image, it's bad for "our" image that the leader of the free world throws like a girl... and not even all girls throw like girls.  Pardon me while I hang my head in shame.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Cat Scratch Fever


Climbing is fun.  I like to climb on stairs, rocking chairs, boxes, and now couches.  Pop-Pop made the chair that I used to get on the couch.  He made it for and gave it to my daddy when Daddy was two-years-old.  Unfortunately, after seeing what I'm capable of, Daddy says that we should wait until I'm at least two before I can start using it because I'm not using it for "its intended purpose."  Whatever, Daddy.

My second Easter was a blast despite the fact the weekend began with me being very tired.  This picture was taken Saturday during lunch.


I managed to pull myself together and had a super-terrific day.  I played with Cousin Yvette and thoroughly enjoyed messing up her toy room.  When I got out of hand, though, she released her cats on me.  My trusty sidekick Onyx was outside and so I had to face the cats myself.  They didn't do anything or even attempt to, but I'm not used to them and therefore didn't trust them.  I then played with my "little" cousins at Gammy and Grandpa's and hung out with Ge and Pop-Pop and my aunt and uncle.  Everyone kept talking about a magical bunny that was on his way to bring candy and gifts to children around the world.  He sounded kind of like that Santa Claus guy but with slightly less commercialism surrounding him.  I couldn't imagine a bunny breaking into our house without being chased away by Onyx.  Sure enough, he got in and escaped without a sound and I woke up Sunday morning to a small basket of goodies.

We didn't make it to church Sunday morning for fear that they'd kick me out.  I'm not exactly attentive and quiet when the situation calls for it.  Maybe next year.  Besides, I took a morning nap that lasted well over three hours.  Church wasn't much of an option.  It felt great to sleep.  Mommy pretended to be my Gramp by raking and cleaning up the yard during the entire time I was asleep.  She said just needed to "get outside and feel and hear the therapeutic sound of raking."  To be honest it's a little eerie.

After lunch, we went to the park for a hike.  It was awesome.  I played ball with Onyx;


acted silly with Mommy's giant sunglasses (I won't wear mine but I'll wear hers);


played in sand;


ate some sand (why I keep doing this I don't know);


and took a ride in my carrier on Mommy's back.  I pretended she was a horse and would pat her shoulders when she and Daddy would yell, "giddyup."  I also scratched her neck up pretty good.  I couldn't help myself.  It gets a little boring sometimes on these long hikes and I felt a strange need for a scratching post.  Hmmm... what did Yvette's cats do to me?


I'm sorry for drawing blood on your neck, Mommy.  I must have cat scratch fever.  Luckily, Daddy and I are taking Onyx to the vet for his routine check-up.  They should be able to help me.  Mommy, does our insurance cover veterinarian bills?

Friday, April 2, 2010

Do Not Eat Sandbox Sand

Yesterday, Daddy took me to a small park that is near our house.  They have a wooden framed box on the ground that contains sand.  This is my first time in a box of sand and it was awesome!  If you've never been in one then please pay attention to my one and only tip: do not eat the sand.  I couldn't figure out why Daddy wouldn't let me put some sand in my mouth until I was able to sneak some in.  Now I know why.  Take my word for it and don't eat it.  Perhaps I should listen to Daddy at least occasionally.  Then again... perhaps not.

The park also had swings.  They were a little big but I figured out how to sit in them without falling out by bracing my arms to the front.  Daddy pushed me on the swing.  It was quite a thrill.  Our cinematographer forgot his video camera so we had to use some guy's cell phone.  That explains the poor quality of this video.  If you can't tell, I'm having a blast.


I suggest that this weekend you find your own park with a sandbox and swing set.  You won't be disappointed.  But, please- don't eat the sand.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Bear Riding a Tractor

This morning was somewhat boring.  I wasn't my usual action-packed self.  It's probably because I had trouble getting to sleep last night and then when I did finally get to sleep I proceeded to wake up every hour or so.  My tummy was giving me trouble and I felt obligated to give hourly progress reports to Mommy.  Everything is better now.  If you really want the details, you can ask Mommy about how well I utilized my diaper at some early morning hour.  It's very rare that I do that and I know she is thankful for it.

Spring is back in the air (again).  I'm glad the second and cold, rainy winter was only short-term.  It's going to reach the 70's for at least today and tomorrow.  It was cool outside this morning, but not cold enough to keep me inside.  Since I was so bored, I decided to ride my tractor to the stairs, work on coming down the stairs, and then walk the tractor back home so I could take a nap.


I also yelled at some crows who like to keep my awake when I'm trying to nap.  Unfortunately, my cinematographer was not recording when he thought he was.  You'll just have to imagine me pointing and yelling, "Da!"  That's how I yell at everything.

I hope I didn't just bore you too much.  If I did, I really don't feel too bad about it.  You'll be fine.

Enjoy the weather.