Aloha Kalikimaka

"Matthew, What Does Santa Say?"

All day every day it's this from Mommy and Daddy: "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?" "Matthew, what does Santa say?"

My parents evidently have a terrible memory if they can never remember what Santa says. For the last time, he says, "Ho ho," and looks like this when saying it:

A Little Privacy, Please

A few weeks ago, I requested permission to utilize the toilet by pointing to it and saying, "I pee." Since then I have spent what seems like countless minutes on the pot without any real noticeable production. I have to admit that it is a little difficult to do your business with two parents eagerly anticipating and sticking their faces in close and asking, "anything yet?" Then there is the whole stage fright factor causing me to keep my external urethral orifice closed while in the presence of the paparazzi.

The potty I am using is quite comfortable. It modifies the toilet seat to accommodate smaller posteriors such as mine. There is also an adapter for boys that helps to reduce the effects of poor aim called a 'Deflector Shield' (no joke). The creators of this potty must have been Trekkies or big Star Wars fans. Anyway, I think it is time for me, Captain Matthew, to have another round of practice: Set course for relief. Tushy in place. Deflector shield up... Engage!

Return of the Red Dot

Yesterday the red dot was back, and Onyx ("Onin") and I were again on the case:

If I had to theorize to what this little red spot is, I would venture to say that it is a Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. I will call this a LASER. And this begs to ask the question, is this safe for little boys to be exposed to? Either way, it is still just an elusive, blasted red dot!

Where I Go To Get Away From It All ("I Hide")

Do you like my new hideout? I got in there myself. I was then forcefully removed after a while but I did not come out without a fight. This 'come out with a fight thing' is one of my innate characteristics that I am most proud of. I have this ability to strongly cling my hands and feet to the sides of something while adults attempt to pry me out. Remember my coming out fight on March 11, 2009, Mommy? Remember, the clinging part lasted about two hours? Remember, Mommy? I bet you do.

In case you were wondering: sometimes my videographer flips a little screen over from his video camera to display video of a very handsome looking little boy. This is why I am sometimes seen looking slightly to the right of the camera. I cannot keep my smiling eyes off that stud muffin of a "baby." Whoever he is, he is going to be a little heart breaker some day.

Letter to Santa (Year Two)

Dear Santa,

How are you this year? Good to hear. Let's cut right to the chase, shall we? I want presents and you want to bring them. Last year I feel you did an okay job in fulfilling my first Christmas List. I ended up getting those teeth, my verbal ability is coming along slowly but surely, and not only can I walk, but I can run real fast too. However, it did take quite a while to receive these things and I did not get everything I asked for. What did you forget, you ask? You forgot the high definition television! It appears your double-check list method may require a more rigorous systematic scrutiny. I mean, service these days is not so wonderful, but from you Santa? Tsk, tsk. Since I did not receive this item I did as much damage as possible to our current television. It can no longer be heard well and it cannot be controlled remotely. What else? Oh, right: Mommy is still tired but I'm still not sure how her sleeping fits into my plans so I will let that one slide and let her figure it out.

All this said, you have left plenty of room for improvement. Do not get me wrong and misunderstand the intent and seemingly rude nature of my letter by putting me on the naughty list. I am merely attempting to help you by pointing out some of the deficiencies in your operation. You serve me accordingly by delivering all of my wishes this year and we will consider that you have things back on track. Help me help you, Santa, by getting this years list correct:

1. A high definition television (do I really need to explain this item?).
2. No more teeth! (I've spent a lot of sleepless nights cursing the day I wished for these painful things).
3. Barney & Friends DVDs, Seasons 1-6 (yes, this is embarrassing and to my Daddy's dismay, but for some reason I have taken a liking to that big dumb purple dinosaur).
4. A real live train outside my front door that I can "choo-choo" with whenever I wish. And you might as well add a school bus, tractor, backhoe, snow plow, dump truck, garbage truck, and motorcycle.
5. Yogurt covered raisins (and keep 'em coming).
6. Sunglasses (if you have seen me in them you would know why).
7. To officially change the names of all colors to blue and purple (don't change the colors, just the names for them. I see that they are different colors but I prefer to refer to them as only blue or purple).
8. A horse and a jet plane (Uncle C. still has yet to come through with this. I suggest you strike him from the 'nice' list).
9. Something nice for yourself (see, I care about how you feel too).
10. Bapples! (I can't get enough of this delicious blue (see item # 7) round fruit.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Have a nice flight!

With Love,
Matthew

P.S. On December 24th, I will be waiting and watching. Let me just say you are not the only one who is able to get to places other people cannot.

Earmuffs!

Hello everyone!  Don't worry, I have doffed my lion suit and am no longer in the business of scaring the other neighborhood children.  I want to show you something that my Daddy taught me.  He says that because Mommy has the language of a sailor it is important for me to have a protective mechanism:

So I must say that my humor is developing quite splendidly.  For example: last night I told Mommy I was 1-year-old, but instead of holding up one finger like I normally do, I held up five.

I do not know where I come up with these things!  I am so funny!

Oh, and before I go I have some potentially useful information for you.  A flushing toilet is one effective way to get rid of your old cell phone.  Let your friends know and tell 'em that Matthew told you!

King of the Neighborhood

Happy Halloween!

Apples

There is so much to tell you about, so lets just start with "papples" or as Mommy and Daddy say "apples". I really enjoy them. I like to look at them, eat them, throw them, so on. My day started by reading my favorite book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I have not found any other book that even comes in comparison to this one. It has interestingly sized pages with HOLES in them. Perfect for keeping my attention by putting my fingers in those holes. I prefer to just stay on the page with the "papple".

Yes the pictures above would have been better placed below the paragraph, but Mommy is helping me with this blog...sorry everyone!

So, this terrific Sunday continued to get better as Mommy took me to entire farm of "papples". We didn't just walk into this place, we were properly escorted on a wagon, pulled by a John Deere tractor. Unbelievable! This is when I actually got to pick, then throw (or place as Mommy preferred) the "papples" in a bag. And what do you know that wonderful tractor came back and picked us up. I'd have to say the best part of this entire trip was the perfect "papple" Mommy gave me for the ride home. This sweet, delicious, juicy piece of fruit! This lasted me the entire ride home of about 25 minutes. My hands, face, chin, shirt and car seat were extremely sticky after this snack. It all ended when Mommy took it away, just as I was about to bite into the core. It was that good!

Happy Fall everyone! I encourage you all to go to this wonderful place FULL of "papples". You won't be sorry.

Matthew and the Giant Nectarine

I like nectarines this week and so I'm planning on not liking them next week.  Why will I do that?  Because that's my style. 

Ophidiophobia

This is Jasmine slithering on my head.  She's a boa constrictor and I got to pet her today.  She is very nice.  Jasmine lives at a petting zoo that I visited today with my cousins.  We sent this picture via a text message to Mommy.  Mommy replied with a message reading, "That's not even funny... Get that thing off of him."  You see, Mommy has a phobia of snakes.  She can't even look at a picture of them, especially a picture of a snake slithering on her baby boy's head.  It's a good thing she wasn't there because she probably would have passed out.  Don't worry, Mommy, Jasmine was very sweet to me.  I barely noticed she was there.

Superman's Training

"Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

Hey, even Superman had to start somewhere.

Oh, and check me out at the playground (the video is split so you'll have to play both).

I so "own" that jungle gym.

The Climbing Stage

Hello there!  It's good to see you again.  I have a little time to post to my blog because I'm back to hanging out with Daddy during the day.  It's only temporary.  He's taking a few days off from his daytime gig of betting on the races.  I think he's lost a lot of money at the track and needs to wait for Mommy to make him some more before he can return.  Anyway, he seems a lot more relaxed now than before the summer started and is even letting me "dive" into my passions.  As you know, my passions for things change quite frequently.  I've gone through the crawling stage, the putting everything in my mouth stage, the learning to walk stage, the learning to dance stage, and so on.  What stage am I in now?  I bet you can't guess it... oops, I forgot about the title. 

 

Mommy and Daddy wondered, after they entered the room one day and I was sitting and minding my own business on the side table, how I was able to climb up there.  Now they know.  Gather children: watch and learn.

Will You Marry Me, Aunt Bethy?

Wait... what?  He did?  She said, "Yes"?  BLASTED!!!  It appears that "Uncle" C. beat me to it.  I guess I'm one day and a giant rock-on-a-ring short.  Oh well.  At least I'm getting another awesome uncle, an uncle who has the power and money to obtain an impressive and giant rock-on-a-ring. 

Dear Uncle C., now that I'm going to officially be your nephew, will you buy me an airplane and a horse?  Thanks.  And don't worry Uncle C., I didn't really want to marry my Aunt Bethy.  Why would I marry the girl when I can have my "awesome" aunt for free?  Besides, it would be way too weird and I'm not going to have any trouble getting girls to like me when I strut around with my good looks, airplane, and horse.  So anyway, Uncle C., congratulations.  I look forward to learning many important things from you, just like the super-cool fist bump you taught me.

To you, Aunt Bethy- congratulations.  You are the best, deserve the best, and you're getting it.  And thanks for waiting for me to be born and learn to walk because now I'm fully ready and able to join the party.  I'm very excited about your wedding day.  I'm so excited in fact, that I've already picked out my attire for the special day.  I think my little Irishman outfit is very appropriate.  Perhaps I could be the centerpiece at your reception table.  You go ahead, think about it, and let me know.  It's whatever you want, Aunt Bethy.

Oh, and Aunt Bethy, look at what I learned to do this morning! Maybe it's better if I'm not allowed on the tables at your wedding reception.

Getting Stuck

Despite the fact that I'm increasingly mobile every day, I still find myself getting into strange predicaments.

Dance Machine

My fans have been wondering (and demanding)- where is Matthew?  The answer to that is that I'm in the same place I always am.  I'm a little sorry that I haven't been posting much, but I have to admit that it feels good to be wanted.  Besides, I've been too busy dancing to be on the computer and posting to the blog.

My Nanna taught me to dance like this.  It must be the way people danced way back when.

Fifteen Months

How big am I?  I am 15 months big.  To celebrate my big day, I jumped and splashed in a puddle.  It was awesome.  I definitely recommend it.  You don't even need it to rain to get a puddle.  All you need is a hose.  I suggest that you try it.  You can even sit in it afterwards and get your posterior really muddy.

Have a great weekend!

Let Me Tell You a Story

This story is about whatever you interpret it as. I feel I've contributed more of an artistic impression in allowing you to do this. You're welcome. I hope you enjoyed it.

Facing Forward

Captain's Log, Stardate 06042010.  Starfleet has installed a forward facing captain's chair on the bridge.  It was quite challenging navigating through space (and the roads) while facing the rear of the ship.  My new vantage point also allows me to keep better tabs on my staff sitting in front of me.  Fulfilling size requirements continues to have its advantages.

Facing forward... the final frontier.  These will be the voyages of the starship Matthewprise.  It's continuing mission: to explore new parks, playgrounds and sandboxes, to seek out new and strange but familiar people in different cities and states, to boldly (and exhaustingly) drive throughout the northeastern United States at a rate no toddler has traveled before.

Have a great weekend!

It is 9:34 PM. Do You Know Why Your One-Year-Old Is Not Sleeping?

It's 9:34 PM on Wednesday night and I'm still awake and writing this blog for tomorrow (which is today for you).  You may have to pretend that you've traveled into the not too distant past.  Confused?  Me too.  It's difficult to keep things straight when you're tired but all wound up.  Do you know why I'm not sleeping?  It's because I am super-pumped to tell you what a cow says:

That's right, a cow says, "moo," and sometimes, "boo."  I have also started singing the chorus to Old MacDonald Had a Farm, but I'm still not video camera ready.  You know it, it's "Ee i ee i oh."  I've learned to say what a cow says thanks to the daily reinforcement of my parents and the one or two cow toys that I own (make that at least 7 cow toys, not including my two music CD's with the Old MacDonald song, and my bovine language tapes that I listen to while falling asleep).

Speaking of falling asleep, it's now 9:44 PM and I should probably be headed to bed for the third time since 8:00.  Mommy, shall we try this again?  I think I like this game.  Maybe I'll have an "oink-oink" ready for tomorrow night's (which is your tonight) bedtime.

This Is How I Will Roll

Here I am with a new toy car that I received yesterday.  I had fun playing with it until it went all possessed and berserk on me.  Daddy turned the car on and placed it and me on the driveway.  Every time I approached it or tried to pick it up, it moved.  It moved either forwards or in circles.  Regardless, I could not catch it.  It would drive away, turn around, and then drive full force toward me and run into my foot.  It was as if the car was being controlled remotely from an unidentified location.  For a brief period, I'm sure this whole scene was quite comical from the onlookers' perspective.  I would show you the video, but the videographer thought he was recording when he wasn't, and wasn't recording when he thought he was.  There are now two useless results: a video recording of the ground and a newly unemployed videographer.  I'm sorry but my patience runs thin with my production crew.  Anyway, it didn't take long for this car to freak me out.  I had to run into Daddy's arms so that I could get away from it.  How would you like it if you tried to get into your car and it just drove away, turned around, and then started chasing you?  That's what I thought.  As Daddy picked me up, I thought I noticed a small electronic device with an antenna attached inside his pocket.  Then again, as fear took a hold on me, I could have been seeing things.  It was probably just his cell phone.

News Flash: I am officially announcing my retirement from the daily weekday blog community, effective this Friday.  As I am considered the Michael Jordan and Brett Favre of the blogosphere, I too will probably un-retire and bring back my greatness at some point or another.  Instead of doing it daily, I will probably post 2-3 days a week.  Some weeks there may be more and some there may be less.  Postings on weekend days are now more likely.  Frequency and the content (words, pictures, video) of postings remain difficult to predict right now.  I will do my best to keep you up-to-date with my wonderfully fascinating life.  So why am I leaving the daily blog scene?  Well, I feel like I need some time off to spend with my family.  I also may star in some Hollywood movies and perhaps make some guest TV appearances.  I'd also like to spend less effort in relaxing and working on the computer so that I have more time to get into things that I'm not supposed to.  For instance, the tops of tables have a bounty of "keep away from toddlers" stuff and are getting closer to my reach every day.  Another reason I will likely be unable to keep up with daily postings is that I won't be home too much.  Beginning this coming Monday, Daddy will be spending his days at the casino, horse track, dog track, or our local OTB.  He hopes to make it big so that he may provide for Mommy and me.  Good luck, Daddy- you're going to need it.  Moreover, since Onyx has yet to pass his babysitters course, I will be spending my time outside our home.  This summer I'll be under Little Cousin Wade's supervision.  Starting this fall, Julie the "Daycare Giver to the Stars," will watch me on a full-time basis.  She is awesome and I can't wait to have some fun at her place.

So there you have it.  You now know how I will roll.  I hope I haven't spoiled you with this daily thing.  If you're that desperate and you miss me on some of these days you can always go back into the archives and start over.  There will be over 240 posts (almost a year's worth) for you to enjoy.  Either that, or you can send me lots of money and I will do these posts as you please.

I'll see you tomorrow.  Enjoy your Wednesday.

False Allegations

I gave my photographer most of the weekend off so I don't have too many pictures that capture what an awesome weekend I had.  Mommy and Daddy took me to my great aunt and uncle's lake house, located in a new-to-me state.  I hung out with some of my "big" cousins and Cousin Payton.  See for yourself how happy I was while enjoying breakfast and a view of the big lake.

But, I didn't only view the lake- I commandeered a boat on it.  You may now refer to me as Captain Matthew from now on.

Having so much fun does takes its toll, but there's nothing like taking a little snooze while breathing in the fresh air to rejuvenate oneself.  This was a wonderful nap.

I did sleep okay this past weekend (as far as me sleeping on the road is concerned), but I'm still rather tired today.  Don't worry about me- I'll be okay.  Oh, and before I forget: you may hear some silly stories from the press concerning my family and me from this past weekend.  I can assure you that these stories are not true and/or they are taken way out of context.  They include, but are not limited to, me scratching Cousin Payton making her cry and Daddy biting Cousin Payton's finger making her cry again.  These outrageous accusations simply aren't true.  One story you may hear is true, and that is the one about Daddy attempting to water-ski and being dragged around the lake by the boat.  I witnessed the entire thing and clapped my hands when he resurfaced.  I won't get into to details but his ankles are quite swollen and he is a little slow afoot right now.  I look forward to taking advantage of my daytime caretaker's lameness this week.  Catch me if you can, Daddy.

PFD

Before spaghetti:

During spaghetti:

Am I naked in my highchair?  Maybe... maybe not.  To my possible future siblings: I got here first and everyone will know that the highchair was originally mine.  So... sit on that!

In other news, now that I'm swimming in water, Mommy is requiring that I wear a Personal Flotation Device (PFD).  She says that I have to "wear it at all times just in case."  Just in case what?  Is water going to jump out at me when I'm inside the house?  I don't think so.  In fact, I attack water, such as the water in Onyx's bowl.  Sure, some of the water from the bowl ends up on me but most of it is strewn around the kitchen floor.  I could slip I guess, but the PFD is not going to save me from that.  I don't see what the big deal is.  The PFD is quite a drag when I'm hanging around the house and playing.  Oh well, Mommy's in charge.   And as she always says to Daddy and I, "Don't question me- just do."  She's sooooo like that.

Mommy and I have the day off from our respective jobs on Monday.  Therefore, I'll see you Tuesday.  Until then, play it safe and put on your own PFD, and then...

Have a great weekend!

Turtle Swimming Pool

This is I in my new luxurious turtle swimming pool.  Yesterday was so hot that this kind turtle was nice enough to let me swim underneath his shell and in his water compartment.  The water was cool and refreshing.  Here are a few clips of my delightful swim.

If you're also feeling hot, I suggest going to your local Wal-Mart and picking up one of these slightly over-priced turtles.  Once in place, you'll be ready to put on your swim diaper, grab your favorite toy (mine is a metal bowl), and jump on in.  Enjoy.

Big Boy Eating

For the past few weeks, I have not fully kept up with my routine of eating healthy foods.  If you cut up some fruits or vegetables and put them in front of me, they'll typically end up on the floor.  Don't get me wrong, I still like these fruits.  I don't complain when they're blended in something like yogurt.  However, I'd like to eat them like an adult.  Mommy and Daddy don't cut up everything in tiny little pieces before they eat them.  They only do that for me and I don't always like it- it kind of depends on my mood.  My problem was trying to communicate this to them.  I failed in doing this and now I don't even know why I bother sometimes.  Finally, yesterday Daddy was about to cut up a strawberry for me when he said, "You're not going to eat this are you?  Here, you can have the whole thing.  Do what you want with it."  He handed me the whole strawberry and guess what: I ate the entire thing.  I took reasonable bites and then one gigantic bite to finish it.  Was this so difficult to understand Mommy and Daddy?  No.  Is this a potential choking hazard?  Possibly.  Is this big boy eating?  Yes.

Later I tried a banana.  I'm actually a huge fan of bananas but haven't eaten them in over a month.  That's because I wanted to hold the entire thing, peel and all.  Daddy again came to his senses, peeled only the top part, and gave me the entire thing.  I ate half of the banana and nothing went on the floor.

I still have to learn some things about eating fruit.  Lesson number one: do not eat the other side of the banana while the peel is still on.  It doesn't taste very good and the tongue does not enjoy the texture.

Heigh-Ho

Heigh-Ho is my new favorite song.  I get so pumped hearing it that I run around in circles and sometimes I fall on the ground and dance.

According to Wikipedia, the always-accurate information beacon and educational leader of this and my coming generations, "Heigh-Ho" is spelled correctly.  It's not "Hi-Ho."  I just thought you would probably need to know this at some point in your life.  Anyway, I love to sing the chorus line and Mommy says I sound "so cute" when I say, "heigh-ho."  I'd let you hear it, but again I'm not playing to the video camera.  I sang the chorus before and after (and not during) the tape was rolling, much to the frustration of the director.

Playing Dumb

Sure, I think I'm pretty smart.  At least Mommy tells me that I am.  Lately I've been working on pointing to different body parts.  I can identify my mouth, teeth and belly to a 98% accuracy and my nose, ears and hair to a 90% accuracy.  I'd show you what I mean but I don't feel like it.  That's because I'm getting a little tired of that video camera.   It's rare that you'll see me without also seeing a video or still camera turned on and focused on me.  Wherever I go, they seem to follow.  It's getting annoying.  I have to admit that the cameras were quite a novelty for the first year or so of my life but now the thrill is not always there.  However, I realize that the cameramen are not going to go away.  Instead, I'll just have to have fun my own way and at the expense of the cameras.  Here's what I mean (taken during dinner last night):

Did you see that?  Please tell me I'm funny (Mommy requests that of Daddy all the time).  Instead of pointing to my nose, which I had just done before the camera was turned on, I acted as if I was saying, "Nose?  What's a nose?"  I am funny.

Oh, and before I forget-

Happy Birthday Cousin Marcy!  I'm wearing my infamous but censored birthday suit for you.  Here, have a ball!

Superman's Weekend Off

Even Superman needs a break sometimes.  He can't always be fighting crime and saving the world.  Just picture this:  He comes home late some Friday night after a long week of busting the evil geniuses of the world.  He's so tired, and even though he's Superman, he manages to remove only his pants before flopping in his bed.  He wakes up the next morning refreshed and pants-less, but he's way behind in his household chores, his dog needs some attention, and he just needs some "me" playtime with his toy gorilla and to play some ball.  And yes, the theme music follows him everywhere.

I think I know how he feels.  I need one more weekend like this.

I hope you find your own catch up and "me" time so that you too can...

Have a great weekend!

Taco, Taco Man

Hola muchachos!  Me llamo Mateo.  I'm learning to speak Spanish after eating my first taco.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to mucho mas.  It was a muy messy experience, but I don't have to clean anything up so I'm okay with it.  It's nice being young like me because there's always a totally nueva experiencia (and in this case, food) right around the corner.

Hasta mañana!

Tetherball

Note to future self: Hi, Matthew, it is I, Matthew. I am the younger you. I'm assuming the Internet didn't burn down or anything. I guess you wouldn't be reading this if it did. Anyway, if you're looking back years from now and are a sports star with quick reflexes and fast hands then you probably have this contraption to thank. Otherwise, you may still be a little dizzy and have a small amount of resentment towards Daddy (you probably refer to him as 'Dad' now) and his "It's never too early to start his training" thing. In addition, in case you can't remember why you were getting up so slowly, it's because you had a "live" load in your diaper. I hope you are doing well. That is all for now.

"Ba-Ooo"

It was Spring-cleaning time in my household this past weekend.  In other words, it was time for Mommy to go through her piles of stuff and for Daddy to rearrange the furniture in order to find and capture the clumped dog hair that throughout the year was inadvertently swept underneath and into every single unexposed portion of the house.  I helped Daddy vacuum, or "ba-ooo," as I like to say.  Mommy said I looked like Daddy's Mini-Me.  He sure likes to vacuum and I can see why.  It makes a wonderfully loud noise and it has a special power over Onyx and his hair.

Onyx doesn't do much to help but at least he respects the vacuum and keeps a certain distance from it.  Maybe someday I can run the electrical vacuum myself.  In the meantime, I'm perfectly content with my old school popper ba-ooo.

My Manhood

Well what do you know... not only can I feel, but also I can actually see him now.  So that's what I've been yanking on these past few months.  Well, there's nothing better to do now than to relieve myself onto the carpet.

Have a wonderful day!

Leash Laws

Is this okay?  What I mean is, can Daddy just tie me to a dog lead while he goes inside to eat a snack or take a nap?  Seriously, I don't know what the answer is on this one.  In some way I feel this is a bit cruel.  Onyx isn't even a big fan of his line and he's a dog.  Then again, it's a great way to get some fresh air and it keeps me from running out into traffic and stuff.  Still, there must be at least one violation going on here.  Mommy, did you know about this?  I think all your hidden spy cameras are inside, aren't they.  Is this something I can Google: child leash laws?  Think about it: I'm strapped to a highchair and car seat and kept behind bars when I'm sleeping.  That's why I feel that maybe Daddy isn't breaking any laws per se.  He's only breaking good daddy etiquette.  Perhaps someone should contact the authorities.  Let me know if they say that it's okay to leave your child tied up like the common dog.  Then after you make the call...

Have a great weekend!

Mall Rat

Yesterday morning was cold and rainy so Daddy took me to the mall to get some exercise.  This was the first time I was allowed to get out of my stroller and roam around on my own.  I wasn't allowed to get out before I started walking because Mommy and Daddy thought I'd crawl around and lick the dirty floors.  They were probably right.  Things are different now, though, and I can really strut my stuff.  If the weather is giving you the blues, I recommend taking a stroll at your local mall.  I enjoyed walking around with the senior citizens of the community.  They were impressed with my abilities and watched me shake my head "no" and walk in the opposite direction as Daddy attempted to coax me to keep up with him.  I managed to walk almost the entire length of the mall and back.  If I include my attempt to visit every store along the way (twice) then this is certainly the longest walk I've ever had.  Also there for my enjoyment were kiddy rides that included a play car and fire truck.  They had flashing lights and steering wheels.  What more could I ask for?  There was also a real CAT tractor parked in the middle of the mall.  I tried to loosen the nuts to take the wheels off but I had forgotten my tools.  Best of all, I was allowed to repeatedly yell "da!" at the top of my lungs without being shushed.  Instead, everyone smiled at me and told me how cute I was.  I'd yell "da!" in return, acknowledging what I already knew.  It was quite an adventure and a great way to stretch out my legs.  Needless to say, I had a very nice and long afternoon nap.

Self-Sufficient

I'm starting to get good at doing things for myself.  I realize now that if you want something done right and ASAP then you had better do it yourself.  How am I learning such a valuable life lesson at such a young age?  If you want an answer then have my daddy and Onyx take care of you for a day.  Communicating a need to them is like pushing teeth through gum tissue.  It's a slow and painful process.  That reminds me- I am now the proud owner of an exposed gigantic molar (and I thought my other teeth hurt a lot coming in).  Anyway, if I want to feed myself and do it my way then I have to be proficient with a spoon.  Proficiency obtained?  Check.

Sure, I'm a mess with the spoon but I get the job done.  My tummy is full and I really don't care if I am cleaned up or not (although oatmeal up the nostril makes it a little difficult to breathe).  Okay, now I'm ready to go outside and play.  Daddy, you and Onyx can stay inside if you like.  I can find my own way out.  I better put my shoes on first.

Fourteen Months

 

Who is back by popular demand?  Me, Matthew.  It's been a few weeks since I've posted to my blog, but as you can see from the picture above I have grown and now carry myself in a more mature and serious manner.  It's time to let my gentleman-like poses illustrate my new keen and astute approach to the world. 
 

So what's new in your life?... yeah, yeah, sounds great.  It's back to me again.  My vacation was wonderful and it offered a great chance to sit back and relax.  However, I did not take the vacation up on that offer and I'm still worn out from all the fun I had.  I was a very happy camper at the beach.

I've been walking a lot more lately.  It is now my primary means of transportation.  Walking on the sand at the beach was a great challenge, but I eventually got the hang of it.

The biggest news from my time off comes from yesterday.  I have a new baby cousin!  Lydia is my newest first cousin.  That makes eight of us, one shy of fielding a first cousin starting lineup.

I have yet to decide when and how often I'll post to this blog.  I'll probably post anywhere from daily to once a year.  I'll be sure to keep you "posted."  Hah!  Get it?  Okay, bye now.

Stock Market, Obituaries, Matthew's Blog

The title above refers to my Great Gramp's daily Internet routine.  I'm happy, that out of the three, I was able to provide the one positive website viewing experience.  Whether you're a long time viewer or a newbie to this blog, I hope you've enjoyed my life-chronicling posts as part of your own Internet routine.

I doubt my blogging days are over for good.  However, I think I need a break and feel this is a good time for that.  A small break was coming anyway next week as my little family and I are taking our first vacation together.  Furthermore, I'm getting older and my morning routine is changing a bit as a result.  Morning naps are nearing an end and I'd rather partake in hearty playtime instead of sitting at my computer.  As you are aware, I like being the center of attention and I'd rather have the eyes of my production crew solely on me and not the computer, and for them to spend all of their time entertaining me and playing with me.  Besides, my viewership numbers have been down for the past few months.  Do I need to reinvent myself?  Probably not.  Nevertheless, I've lost one of my biggest fans and I need some time to regain that spirit of entertainment in this medium.  Don't get me wrong- I'm always willing to entertain a clapping, receptive audience.  For the time being, though, you'll just have to come directly to the source (me) to receive it.  If you have a problem with this then you may take it up with my agent.

For now, I'd like to say thanks for tuning in, Great Gramp, and allowing me to share with you my new and happy life.  Sweet dreams.  We love you.  And this one's for you...

Gender-Neutral Toys

This picture was taken last night before Mommy, Daddy, and I left to go to a dinner with my playgroup.  As you can see, I looked good.  My corduroy jacket is a real eye-catcher.  It was the first time the playgroup got together "after hours" for dinner, allowing everyone (all the working mommies and daddies) to come.  "Everyone" included Mommy, who was finally able to meet my playgroup friends.  She approves of this particular peer network for me and will allow my participation in it to continue.  "It's good," she said to me after we left my friend's house, "that your friends are not only cute, but are clean and the pro-created products of successful parents."  During dinner, I was the only boy of five toddlers sitting around the kitchen table in our portable highchairs.  There was one other boy there, but his parents forgot his chair.  Too bad, I thought at first, but that left more ladies for me.  I had a great time playing with all of the hostess's toys.  She had a play kitchen that I played with and reorganized for about 45 minutes.  It was quite the deluxe kitchen, bigger and fancier than the one Daddy brought up for me this morning.  My "new" kitchen is another hand-me-down from my cousins.  Even though I was tired this morning and it was smaller, I still had a wonderful time playing with it.

Plans are already in the works to upgrade my kitchen a bit.  I'm still trying to decide whether I want granite or silestone countertops and stainless steel or black appliances.  I should probably go with black since my greasy, sticky hands will surly show on the stainless.  I'm considering my new kitchen a gender-neutral toy, even though it stands out amongst my John Deere equipment and other boy-suggestive toys.  It's probably important I become familiar with cooking, considering Mommy and Daddy's limited attention spans in the kitchen.  I doubt they have any problem with me donning a chef hat in the near future in order to prepare them and I some nice meals.

The Fun Part of Learning

As you all know, I have an "issue" with my sippy cup.  Immediately after taking a swig from it, I just throw the cup.  I can't help myself.  It's automatic- like hitting a baseball and dropping the bat and running to first base.  The cup typically falls and crashes on the kitchen floor producing a loud noise that transmits a quiver to and throughout the nerves of Daddy's body.  Yesterday, we worked on controlling my issue.

As you can see, I was able to control myself.  Now let's see if my lesson carried over to this morning.

Yes, the lesson carried over.  I did learn and do understand and you can see that with the "no" expressed through the side-to-side motion of my head.  Sometimes learning and understanding, however, have nothing to do with what I want to do.  I feel there's more fun in defiance and a better lesson in seeing what I can get away with. 

I suggest you give this defiance thing a try.  Go ahead and defy someone today.  Have fun with it and...

Have a great weekend!

Wanted: Daytime Care

Daytime care needed for charming, handsome toddler.  Semi-superhero, dynamic abilities a must.  All-day alertness and quick feet also required.  Must provide snacks and meals when I want with no regard to convenience.  Experience in making grilled cheese and French toast a plus.  Candidate should be funny and entertaining on demand.  Supply of other like-minded, clean, handsome children to play with a plus (please, no less than a 2:1 girl-to-boy ratio).  House cleaning not required except for an occasional snotty nose, one daily putrid smelling diaper, and one end-of-day clean up before Mommy gets here so it "looks like nothing happened."  My house, your house, or daycare setting optional, preferably which ever has the best toys and the most, least child friendly nick-knacks for me to get into.  Availability of books for throwing and rearranging, but not necessarily reading, also a plus.  Candidate must posses ability to translate "da" into all of its many possible meanings and be willing to constantly pick up thrown sippy-cups and socks from floor.  Inability to handle or tolerate bites on shoulders, pinching of neck skin, or receiving a body flailed double leg kick when removing me from changing table need not apply.  Money is no object as my parents are willing to pay more than they are actually able.  Room and care for one large, perpetually shedding dog also required.  Presence of turned on ceiling fans in every room preferred but not a must.

Big Boy's Toys

It's a beautiful day and therefore a great opportunity to ride.  But which of my many modes of transportation do I choose?  I think I'll try them all.

Evidently, my legs aren't quite long enough to reach the pedals on my Trike Bike.  I'd like to go even faster but I just can't right now.  It's not funny!  I'll grow into it- you'll see!

Here is something that is funny.  It's a picture of me after swimming with Mommy at the Y last night.  I'm keeping myself entertained inside a locker while wearing a swim diaper and a cow towel over my head.

Unfortunately, because taking pictures in certain areas invades people's privacy, Mommy is now banned from the locker room at the Y.  They even posted a picture of her face on the locker room door with a sign below it that reads, "NO!"  Oh well.

Before I go and take my morning nap, I'd like to say a special hello to you, Great Gramp.  So... Hello, Great.  We're thinking about you and we love you.

The Money Look

Do these glasses make me look smart?  I hope so.  I'm meeting with a potential daycare this afternoon and my goal is to impress.  I have a little suit and tie all ready to go and everything.  Daddy had me work on my arts and letters this morning in case I'm quizzed.

Daddy says that people who wear small circular hats and are good with money may own the daycare, which I would attend in the fall.  I wouldn't need to wear anything special on my head as the daycare/school is attended and operated by people from all different hat backgrounds.  Regardless, and as you saw in the video, I practiced wearing my metal bowl hat anyway.  After snack, I'll work on understanding my personal finances and displaying my serious, "money" look:

Tiny Bubbles

Another cold took up residence in my system this past weekend.  On Saturday, I had my first (known) fever.  I was "hot" and miserable for most of the day.  I'm feeling a lot better now, but I'm still a sneezing, snotty mess and will probably have to reschedule my public appearances for this week.  Here I'll use these tiny soap bubbles to illustrate what the snot bubbles look like that form from my nose.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some rest.

Enjoy your Monday.

Cool Wind In My Hair

It's Friday- time to get out and experience the fresh air and feel the wind in your hair!

Have a great weekend!