Bringing in the New Year... My Way

Mommy and Daddy are not letting me stay up ‘til midnight tonight to celebrate the New Year. I feel this is an infringement on my constitutional rights. Apparently, I'm too little this year and have no choice but to go to bed at my usual time. However, this doesn't mean I can't bring in the New Year without participating in some New Year traditions.

First, there's the ball drop. I have no idea why dropping a ball gets everyone so excited. Mommy drops stuff all the time and you don't hear anyone hootin' and hollerin' afterwards. Oh well. I'll do the honors:

Then there's the partaking of a certain adult beverage once the ball has dropped. I'm going to have to modify this custom slightly with a formulated beverage of my own. Bottoms up!

Finally, there are fireworks. After partially singeing hair on the dog's tail, Daddy and I had to come up with a much safer means of illustrating fireworks. It's a very crude representation, but in the end, fireworks are just lights and noise.

I hope that all of you find an appropriate, fun, and safe way to bring in the New Year. Also, let me add 'quiet' to that list, as I'll be sleeping snug in my crib and can do without the interruption, thank you. Happy New Year and…

Have a great weekend!

Smiling is My Favorite

Some say a real, genuine smile lasts only up to two seconds.  Anything longer than that and the smile changes so ever slightly to a fake smile.  If any of you have taken a picture of me recently or at least held a camera near me, you know that I know what to do in front of that camera and that I'll bring out my big, cheesy smile.  People get a kick out of my smile, real or fake, and it makes them smile a real smile.  Then I smile a real smile back.  Observational learning is an amazing cycle.  I smile, you smile, we all smile.  Plus, it's a great flirting technique when you're in a female clothing store attempting to buy your mommy Christmas gifts and need help from the female store associates.  If you need proof of any of this then you need look no further than in the picture above.  That picture is certainly not one of my best representations of my good fake smile, but it gets my point across.  I can't wait until Maxwell and all his buddies make their appearance so that I can give one big, goofy, teethy smile.  The "scream and smile" is also a great attention grabber:

The Letter for Today is "B"

That's right: I've decided to crawl the traditional crawl instead of only using a military-style crawl. There's less friction with the traditional crawl and it's much gentler on my belly than dragging it around the floor. Also from the video above, you may have noticed that I declared "B" as the letter of the day. I've been working on it since I woke up this morning. Mommy has been teaching me the 'b' sound so I can say "Aunt Bethy," while Daddy has been trying to teach me to say "baseball" and "baseball bat." I think you see where each of their priorities lie.

This new crawling switch is still just a temporary mode of transportation until I start walking. It turns out this whole walking thing is taking me longer to figure out than expected; such is life, I'm beginning to find out. Note to self: maybe this is why, when I cry because I need something and I'm not getting it quick enough, Daddy attempts to explain that patience is a virtue. Anyway, I'm using a baby’s toy walker in order to stimulate some coordination and leg strength.

Perhaps I'd be better off with an adult walker.  I mean, I want to walk like an adult, not a baby.

Christmas Hangover

My first Christmas was a smashing success. It was a nonstop thrill ride of present opening. In fact, I went eight rounds (three on Christmas- hey, it takes me a while) with my gifts in a span of four days. I received so many toys that when lined up side-by-side they span 15 feet- but who's measuring? I'd like to thank every one of you for making my Christmas so wonderful, but I'm too exhausted. Besides, Mommy has got me covered in the ‘Thank You’ department. She's so thankful that she's even been known to send thank you cards in response to receiving thank you cards and she is the only reason that the U.S. Postal Service still makes any money. If you don’t deserve a thank you because you forgot to get me a gift this year, please don't worry about it. Instead, you can save it for next year. This Christmas will be difficult to top but I'd like to push the 20-foot mark with new toys next year.

So why am I so tired? I should have had plenty of rest this past weekend, right? Wrong! After falling asleep on Christmas Eve, I woke up at 3 AM to my body demanding to utilize my diaper- and utilize it I did. I haven't done that since I was a newborn. Then on Christmas day, I was about three hours, 20 minutes short of my normal four hours of napping. I guess I was just so excited to play with my new toys that I couldn't sleep. Mommy's side of the family must have been really excited to play with their toys too because they did not provide a single moment of peace and quiet the entire weekend. Hold on…did anyone else receive gifts of his or her own? Was I the only one? It was difficult to see over my mounds of toys and clothes. I’m sorry if this is the case because I’m not sharing. I’ve somehow managed to play with each of my toys and they’re so awesome that I will not be parting with any of them.

It’s back to the same old routine today. Daddy and Onyx are tired and recovering too and I’m looking forward to them keeping quiet so I can catch up on my sleep. I'm so tired that I can hardly make it through breakfast...

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

I'm just warming up.  Please have a happy, safe, and very merry Christmas.  And as always...

Have a great weekend!

Letter to Santa

Dearest Santa Claus,

I hope this letter finds you well. This is my first customary “Letter to Santa,” as it is my first Christmas. Therefore, I must plead ignorance and apologize if I inadvertently break from the traditional letter to you. Before I begin my attempt at the proper procedure for this letter, I must ask that you please forward your Christmas Eve delivery of my gifts to Connecticut this year. I will not be spending Christmas at home and would hate the thought that all my gifts are somewhere else on Christmas morning. Furthermore, I do not want you to think any less of me as a host if you do come to my house and there are no cookies and milk for you or carrots for that “special” reindeer with the light bulb for a nose. Now that logistics are taken care of, let us advance to the real reason why I’m writing this letter.

I truly believe that I have been a good boy this past year despite what the baby in the space-like helmet may think. It was self-defense, honestly. Speaking of the past year, I hope that you overlook the fact that I’ve really only been around for nine months. If your gift list is based on proportionality of time then so be it, I understand. If so, then perhaps you may consider rounding up. I probably should not mention this, and I’m glad that you only consider time spent out of the womb in terms of naughty and nice, but I was not very nice to Mommy when I was inside her tummy. Then again, my naughtiness of causing Mommy to have severe nausea was done in the first 16 weeks which was so 2008. I’m sure you can also find a way to blame Daddy for this one. Either way, I’m in the clear.

Now for my list:
1. the rest of my teeth, pain free
2. the ability to use words, verbally
3. walking legs
4. a treat for my dog, Onyx
5. to have Mommy feel rested without having to sleep
6. a high definition television
7. a promise that some day, when I’m able to, to know why people celebrate Christmas and to understand the true meaning (for now I plead ignorance based on the fact that I’m nine months old and really only in it so I can get my teeth around some wrapping paper)

I admit that this is not a very traditional list, but I know that my family is going to inundate me with plenty of those gifts. There’s no problem with trying to make the most of this Christmas, is there?

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Give my best to the Mrs., whatever you think my best may be.

Signed, Your Little Elf, Matthew, a.k.a., MJD, a.k.a., Little D.

I Didn't Do It

Okay, I admit it- I did it.  Let me tell you about it.  It's a morning like a morning that we haven't had in a long time.  Following breakfast, Daddy picked me up from my high chair so that we could go play.  That's when he felt and smelled an early Christmas gift that I made him.  It turned out to be a major side blowout.  It was a side blowout for the ages and one they'll be speaking of for generations.  Daddy took me to the changing table and did his best. His efforts, however, fell short of managing the situation without causing any further destruction.  The collateral damage was vast, spreading all over everything I was wearing, to Daddy, to the floor, to the changing table, and even to my hamper.  It didn't help that I was trying to grab at my bait and tackle while attempting to roll over and sit up on the changing table.  Daddy started sweating.  Suddenly, and right in the middle of applying wipe 6 of 10, the doorbell rang.  It was the maintenance guys coming to fix the light over our kitchen sink.  Daddy managed to get a diaper on me and we answered the door.  Afterwards, we finally got me changed and Daddy breathed a big sigh of relief.

We have a lot to do today as Christmas is coming fast. My production crew and I are doing a secret Santa and I drew Onyx's name from a Santa Claus hat. I'm a little stressed because I don't know what to get him. What do you get for someone who has everything but thinks he has nothing? Moreover, why do I have to get the gift? Isn't that Santa's job? The last time I checked I do not have the qualifications that Mr. Claus does to do his job. Maybe I ought to write him a letter. Here goes: "Dearest Santa Claus..."

Maxwell's New Friend

My second tooth came in this past weekend.  This one is on the bottom left next to Maxwell.  I don't know that I'm going to name this one.  The news and entertainment media have been relentlessly knocking on our front door now that both my bottom front teeth are in.  A bunch of questions have come in:  How does Maxwell feel about his new partner?  Which tooth do you think you'll lose first?  Which tooth will receive the most money from the tooth fairy?  When do you expect other teeth to appear?  Do you think there will be conflict between the existing and future teeth?  How often do you brush?  Which tooth gets more time with the toothbrush?  Why?...and so on.  My public relations guy and I had to come up with an official statement.  Here it is:  My teeth are very important to me and I consider this situation a personal matter.  My family and I are working on establishing the best method for caring for these new and future teeth and would appreciate privacy so that we may focus our efforts on the task at hand.  Thank you.

Working on standing has been a great stress reliever and a nice distraction.  In addition, splashing in the tub always feels good.

Speaking of stress relief...do you know how I like to get the day going?  I like to listen to music, like 'Zippity Doo Dah,' sung by Louis Armstrong.  The trumpet solo is awesome.  It helps me engage that nice, cheesy smile.  Onyx really gets into it too.  I also like to use the coffee table as a teething device.  Mmmmm...you can really taste that lemony fresh Pledge.

Have a case of the Mondays?  Then go ahead and sing.  You'll feel better, I promise.  "Zippity doo dah, Zippity aye, My oh my what a wonderful day..."

Closing the Door

I've been sleeping great lately or at least in a pattern that is convenient for my parents.  I did wake up a little early this morning, the time being a little before 6 AM.  Not a big deal.  I can't help it if I'm a little hungry and in need of some Mommy time after 10 hours of sleep.  An extra hour or so of sleep would have been perfect.  Instead, and especially after playing and hanging out with Mommy for a little while, I'm tired.  I also need to utilize my diaper in a big way.  I pushed and pushed for about 15 minutes and all that resulted looked like and amounted to no more than a large Hershey Kiss.  I'll have to try again later.  I also yelled at my Daddy for a bit.  Why?  Because I can.

I've been working on my 'd' sound for a couple of weeks.  Just after Daddy got all excited that I was constantly calling for him because I really wanted to see him, he soon realized that I was saying "da" for just about everything: ceiling fans and lights, yelling at the dog, the coffee pot, and really anything that attracted my attention.

Tonight, Mommy, Daddy, Onyx, and I are going to my Ge and Pop-Pop's to celebrate Pop's 91st birthday.  He's 1083 months older than I am.  Wow!  I've got a long way to go to catch up to him.  Tomorrow night my aunt and uncle are doing a temporary child exchange with Mommy and Daddy: me for my three "little" cousins.  I can't wait to have some uninterrupted Aunt Leslie time.

I had better get some sleep since I have such a big weekend coming up.  Now that I've learned how to close doors I can see the video crew outside the house myself.  I'll hold the door, give them a cheesy smile, and then wham!, no more cameras until Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Hold the Eggs, Please

My nine-month weight and stature update: 18 pounds, 13.5 ounces and 28-1/2 inches tall.  Again, I fall in the 25th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for height.  The doctor says that my weight is where it should be for a healthy U.S. baby.  He also mentioned that I'm a perfect specimen of health and probably a genius, or something along those lines.  He stressed that I should be eating more foods that are "regular" and even eat whatever Mommy and Daddy may be eating.  This will be nice for Mommy and Daddy because now I can join them on their once-every-six-months dates.  Anyway, I'll be trying some new, more textured food.  I guess Maxwell (that's what I named my lone tooth) will be working some overtime.  After my appointment yesterday, I attempted to eat some scrambled eggs that Daddy made.  We won't be showing that video.  I did eventually get some down after they were squashed a little more and spooned in with some pureed turkey with country vegetables.  This morning, cottage cheese worked okay.  I just need to learn how to eat this different stuff instead of gagging on it.  Speaking of learning, I'm now beginning to understand the word, "no."  I've actually known it for a little while, but when Mommy or Daddy would say it, I'd give the "no comprende engleis" look, smile, and be on my way.  It wasn't until later that I learned that "no" is used in more than just English.

I started brushing my tooth and gums last night.  Mommy showed me how it's done and it didn't take long for me to figure it out.  I like this tooth-brushing thing.

I think this eating thing is going to be fun and healthy for me, especially since I'll be maintaining proper hygiene.  I can't wait to order breakfast tomorrow.  I think I'll have bacon, eggs and hash browns- hold the eggs, please.

Fiery Little Irishman

 

When I was born, the nurse commented that I was a "Fiery Little Irishman," and added, "Great things to have: red hair and attitude."  I'd show you the video clip of the nurse saying this, but I can't.  You see, and little does Mommy know, my entire delivery was caught on video.  The only problem is that The Learning Channel (TLC) has exclusive rights to it.  The picture above of when I'm about 15 minutes old will have to suffice.  So why do I bring this up?  Well, my fiery nature and attitude presented itself yesterday at story time.  I'll tell you about it while I do my standing and walking exercise:

So as I was saying... I was at story time yesterday and was having a bit of a rough time with things.  I was happy to be there but I just woke up from sleeping in the car and I think my bearings were a little off.  I sat down to play with the twin boys who for some reason wear cool space-like helmets.  Looking at these helmets typically keeps me preoccupied throughout the entire time of story.  Yesterday, however, they were not wearing their helmets.  So, I'm sitting there when one of the twins crawls up to me with what I perceived as a crazed look in his eyes.  I didn't know what to do or think with him not wearing his helmet.  Instead, my deep and apparently fiery attitude was summoned and I reached out and smacked him on the face.  It didn't faze him.  He came at me again and so I let him have another.  This time I got my point across and he started crying.  He cried loud and everyone looked at him and me.  I played innocent and like I was just protecting myself.  It turns out the crazed look was excitement because he had very recently learned how to crawl.  Finally, he calmed down and story time began, but not before I proceeded to spit up all over myself (remember that Daddy was trying to feed me a little extra for today's doctor appointment?).  Daddy cleaned me up as best as he could but I had wet spots on my sleeve, belly, and pants.  Then we read stories and sang songs that I didn't know.  The songs were about something known as a dreidel used during eight holiday days.  I was lost and had no rhythm, not to mention that I gave off a sour, acidic smell.  I thought they would ask me to leave the library due to my conduct and the odor I gave off.  By the end, though, everything was back to normal.  Daddy said that story time next week would be a little more applicable to our holiday and that he would not over-feed me.  Let's just hope that word doesn't get around to the story time I'm going to tomorrow in the next town over.  That would be very embarrassing.

The Next Great Challenge

Yup, walking is my next great endeavor.  Never before have I taken on such a challenge as this.  I've got much practice and leg muscle building ahead of me.  I plan to graduate from my military style crawl directly to walking and skip the textbook style crawl.  I don't see any reason not to.  I mean, I can get to where I want with my current form of crawl.  Walking will allow me to reach other desirable destinations, such as tabletops, the TV, the toilet, the dog's head and tail, the Christmas tree, and the list goes on.  As far as other (but smaller) challenges are concerned, there's getting the rest of my teeth, eating more food designed for nine-month-olds and up, and gaining some weight.  Tomorrow is my nine-month doctor appointment.  Daddy is trying to stuff me with food today so that I might at least fall at the top of the "shrimp" category tomorrow.  Of course, this won't work, but I don't mind eating.

This past weekend was my first real trip Christmas shopping.  We went to the mall and there were many people for me to look at and attempt to attract their attention.  The best part of the trip was when Mommy put me on a fake horse and we went 'round in circles in a very merry way.  I believe they call this whole thing a "carousel."  Whatever it's called, it's awesome.  In case you're still trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas, you may add 'carousel' to the list.  It would go great in the front yard.

Making Music

I really like this whole music thing and I'm becoming quite the little musician.  I had a nice, uninhibited session this morning with my instruments in my crib.  I like to explore my space and let my belly roll.  I use my hands, feet, the crib, whatever.  You really have to be creative in order to feel it.  Feel what you ask?  To feel music, man!  I guess you have to be musically oriented like me to understand.  Mommy and Daddy just don't get it.

Then I joined in with the John Deere Farm Animal Band and we really rocked out.  I sang some grunting backup to the cow, who sang lead.  We're planning to make a demo tape together.  I'm willing to bet that our first album goes platinum.

Nine Months

It's hard to believe that I've been outside in the real world about the same amount of time that I was in my Mommy's belly.  If I'm doing the math correctly, it means that she's been putting up with, taking care of, and loving me for 18 months!  Thanks, Mommy.  I really couldn't have done it without you.

Today's photo session had my production crew running frantically all over the place trying to get a decent picture.  I overheard them say, "there must be a better way than this."  Sorry guys, but as I get older I'm only going to get faster and more agile, therefore making it more difficult to pin me down and make me smile.  I'm already so fast that I'm merely a blur in the pictures.  I leave you with some of the pictures that didn't make it.

Have a great weekend!

Dashing Through The Snow

I don't know about you, but I'm a little surprised that Barbara Walters did not include me in her 10 most fascinating people for this year.  I'm trying to be modest here, but c'mon, I think I'm pretty fascinating.  I mean, what does Lady Gaga have that I don't?  I look better dancing around in my underwear (diaper) than she does.  Speaking of dancing around with little or no clothes on, I wanted to wish a happy belated birthday by wearing my birthday suit.  I'm sorry, Nanna, but I did not wear my birthday suit for you as it's too cold in the house because Daddy is too cheap to keep the heat up to a decent temperature.  Besides, from now on I'm thinking of reserving the suit for only the children and aunts of the family.  Although, maybe if I wore my birthday suit all of the time then maybe I'll attract Barbara's attention.  Nevertheless, Happy Birthday, Nanna.

I went sledding for the first time yesterday.  We didn't get as much snow as I thought, but it was enough to have a few good sled runs around the yard.  While viewing the video it may be difficult to see whether or not I'm having fun.  Don't worry because I did thoroughly enjoy it.  However, my snowsuit is so bulky and restraining that it's hard to even smile, much less move around.

Hi, it's me. Who is it there on the line?

Day 3 versus day 270:

Boy, that first picture doesn't even look like me. It appears that I'm beginning to bust out of those devices that I used to swim in. Okay, enough with the past. Instead, let's go to the not so distant past of last night. That's when I enjoyed my first teething biscuit. I didn't know what to do with it at first. It seemed more like a toy than anything so I kind of just swiped at it. It wasn't until later in the dinner, and without Mommy and Daddy really noticing, that I plucked it into my mouth. Sure enough, I used it as a teething device and it tasted great. The biscuit ended up looking like a stick of butter that a dog just licked.

We got a few inches of snow last night. It was our first significant snowfall. Daddy gets a little stressed when it snows, especially now that I'm around. It's probably because when Mommy sends him out to the store prior to every single snow storm, he'll have to buy milk, bread, toilet paper, and now, diapers. I was so excited in anticipation of a snow day that I woke up at 2 AM. It wasn't until after 3 AM that I finally realized that I don't go to school yet and that a snow day would change my day very little, if at all. That's when I went back to sleep. I'm planning on playing outside and helping Daddy shovel, but right now it's sleeting and I need a nap. Hopefully I'll post some pictures tomorrow of my first- You'll have to excuse me because I need to answer the phone. I learned to answer the phone by observing, you guessed it, Mommy. It's probably the President calling me again. He and I are both a part of the 'Intelligent and Important People with Significantly Sized Ears Club,' National Chapter. He keeps calling and I keep giving the same advice of spend, spend, spend, as if I really know what I'm talking about. He's perfectly aware that I'm not even nine-months-old yet. Oh well.

"Barry? Hey, it's Little D. I'm well, thanks. Listen, it's like I told you..."

Please Warn the Tooth Fairy...

...because I've had my first tooth "breakthrough!"  I don't like to complain, but it's gosh darn time (pardon my language).  Mommy noticed the tooth last night.  The photographer had a difficult time taking a picture of it.  In fact, I don't think he actually got a decent picture at all.  You'll just have to pretend with the picture below, which I believe is mostly of the tooth that has not broken through.  I'm tired of having Mommy and Daddy's fingers in my mouth.  I wish I had the rest of my teeth so I could teach them a lesson.

Yesterday also marked my first trip outside to play in the snow.  There wasn't a lot of snow and I can't really move in my snowsuit, but I had fun anyway.

For all of you teething babies out there: keep in mind that there's nothing more relieving for those stubborn, painful teeth than an ice-cold face plant in the snow.

I know it's going to be some years before I lose this tooth and can reap the rewards.  I want to give the tooth fairy a heads up anyway.  'Dear Ms. Tooth Fairy, Please make all necessary preparations for exchanging my future fallen-out tooth for some cold-hard cash.  10's and 20's will do.  I approve of the exchange taking place beneath my pillow.  Do not forget to account for inflation when determining the proper amount.  I'm sorry, but the few quarters my daddy remembers receving from you will not be sufficient for me.  This is my first tooth and it will undoubtedly carry much sentimental value.  Also, please watch that you don't step on my dog, Onyx, when you come in.  Thank you for your services.  Signed, Matthew.  P.S.  I almost forgot to tell you who I am and where I live.  My name is Matthew Jeffrey %23(2u0jral, and I live at gv*$2 j!LK&Jdsf Dr., Y97hasdf^ 00001'...BLASTED SPEECH RECOGNITION SOFTWARE!  Great!- now this tooth fairy chick will never find me!

My Flashing Christmas Sleigh

This Christmas thing gets sillier every day. Our house is starting to look like the department stores do. We have fake fire candles in the windows and on the mantle, and models of Santa, snowmen, and strange deer-like creatures displayed all over the house. Most perplexing of all is why we bought a real, live baby tree, put it on a table, and put more fake fire candles and a bunch of shining nick-nacks that I would just love to get my hands and mouth on. Strange as it is the tree is nice to look at. I hope everyone doesn't do this stuff with trees. What will Onyx and I walk by when we're hiking in the woods? Daddy says that if we run out of woods then we can just hike at a Christmas tree farm. Speaking of the Christmas tree, my little family and I started a tradition of me applying the final decoration to the tree: a star at the top. I may need a little help from Daddy for the next few years in getting the star all the way up there. I'm just happy to be a part of the action.

Not only did we put lights on the tree, but my crib was adorned with them as well. I guarantee that none of you have, but you are jealous of, my sleigh-styled crib with flashing lights.

The awesomeness of my decorated crib did not last long, however. Daddy took the lights down soon after the video was taken. It was all Mommy's idea in the first place, but Daddy recalled the fate of the cat playing with the lights in the fabled Griswold's story and decided we should be more responsible. That, and the fact that our neighbors were peering into my bedroom window and from their cell phones were calling, I assume, the authorities. So no more lights on my crib. Blasted! Foiled again!

Triple Feature

I did a lot this morning and I have the video to prove it. It would be in your best interest to grab yourself a little snack and try and strap yourself in to a comfortable chair...you'll see what I mean by this later.

I know that winter is upon us, but for me baseball has no off-season. I've got all the tools I'll ever need in my baseball glove, bat, and skills. Thank you, Greatest and Great, for the new glove. The smell (and taste) of a fine baseball glove is nothing short of an enlightening religious experience. Soon I will condition the glove with some shaving cream, strategically strap rope around it with a baseball inside, and put it under my crib mattress for the next 7-10 years. That's probably when the glove will fit on my hand and how long it will take to properly break it in. Notice also how adept I am at sitting up. I wasn't aware of how easy this is.

After baseball practice it was time for breakfast. Nothing spectacular happened during breakfast, but I wanted to show you how funny it is (and how much fun it is for me) to block Daddy's attempt at strapping me in to my highchair.

Finally, it was time for a nap. But instead of napping I decided to work on standing in my crib. As of yesterday it's my new thing. As you saw on a post earlier this week I could not stand all the way up. Now, however, and in such a short period of time, I can. Impressive, isn't it? They don't call me Matthew "Progress" Jeffrey for nothing.

Tonight Mommy and Daddy are going out on their first date alone since I graced them with my presence on this earth. They'll celebrate, among other things, five months later, their five year wedding anniversary. This whole thing has me asking some questions. My first is, why if they have been married for five years did they only decide to have me recently? As far as I'm concerned that is their loss. Secondly, why am I not going out to dinner with them? Oh, wait...let me answer this question myself: it doesn't make sense to go to a restaurant and bring your own chair, food, bib, and entertainment. I get it now. I'm going to have more fun anyway. I'm going to my aunt and uncle's to play with them and my "little" cousins. Little Cousin Wade said he would babysit me. It's going to be an awesome night and I plan to learn some new tricks that only a 3, 8, and 12-year-old can teach.

Have a great weekend!

Poem for a Sad Day

Asleep with my daddy, I on his chest;
Mommy cries and ends our rest.
Hard to breathe, for pain they hold me;
I absorb their tears, many there will be.

Some day they will tell me and I will know,
Of him whose love will always grow;
That clenches the hearts of every one,
Those waiting to see him when all is done.

Happy Birthday, Cousin Paul. We miss you.

Drop Low the Crib Beam, Daddy

My postings have come a little late for the past few days due to my morning inconsistencies with sleep and behavior. This morning I woke up very early and hung out with Mommy for a couple of hours. I don't think I got all the sleep I needed because I fell asleep as Daddy was trying shove my breakfast in my mouth. My eyes and mouth would not stay open. I just woke from an almost three hour nap. While you're here, let me show you what I'm learning to do. Better lower the crib one more time, Daddy!

I Love Milk

I've gotten pretty good at drinking from my sippy cup. I usually enjoy some water from the cup when eating meals. Today I'm practicing drinking milk from my cup. The reason I need practice drinking milk is because of the way I drink water: some water goes in my belly while a lot comes running back outside my mouth. I don't care if this same thing happens with the milk, but Mommy and Daddy do. Mommy doesn't want me smelling like sour milk and Daddy thinks it's a waste, monetarily speaking.

I decided it would be a good idea to get a good stretch in and also shake the cup to make sure it's well mixed.

I think I did a good job. Except for one gulp most of the milk went where it was supposed to. My favorite part of the practice session was "accidentally" dropping the cup, forcing Daddy to pick it up. I should mention that I finished with the bottle and then proceeded to spit up all over Daddy and I. Liquid from the cup does flow fast, but I actually spit up on purpose on account of Daddy saying to Mommy last night, "He really doesn't spit up at all anymore." I just like to prove you wrong once in a while, Daddy. You know what would keep me from spitting up my milk, Daddy? Add a little chocolate syrup.

My First Thanksgiving In Review

Let the above picture serve as evidence that I thoroughly enjoyed my first Thanksgiving. I'll tell you about the weekend.

As usual, we had a whirlwind tour with lots of driving and visiting. I'd like to send a special thanks for the hospitality to Gammy and Grampa, and Nanna and Gramp. My long weekend began in the deep fryer (as you saw), but after that I took a nap in the car and I when I woke up I was in a different house and Cousin Yvette was there. We played hoops together (she has the same basketball contraption that I do). She has some pretty good moves.

I then examined her head and noticed that she truly doesn't have much hair. That's interesting because she is the same size as me, if not bigger. Oh well, I'm sure the hair will come in soon. At least she doesn't have to deal with bed head and hat head like I do.

We traded curiosities and kept touching each other's head. She's got a heck of a grip. I should know- she gave me one of those old church lady, capillary bursting pinches on the cheek.

I had my first Thanksgiving dinner at Gammy and Grampa's and played with my "little" cousins. I also saved some of my biggest smiles and hammed it up with Ge and Pop-Pop. Pop showed me how the ladies and the gentleman ride and Ge taught me the correct lyrics to 'A Peanut Sat On a Railroad Track.' It is currently my favorite song. Cousin Kyle taught me this song a few months ago and it's been a hit ever since.

We finished the weekend at Nanna and Gramp's house. I did a lot of smiling and laughing there too. I was looking forward to eating some of Daddy's fried turkey, but by the time he failed to check how much propane was left, then started cooking the turkey, ran out of propane, drove to get some more, and finally finished, it was almost my bedtime. There was no time to puree that supposedly delicious bird. Oh well, maybe next year.

The ride home was a little rough at the end. I got tired of being in my car seat and only stopped crying for 20 minutes as a result of Daddy singing about all the different animals at Old McDonald's Farm. That Old McDonald sure has a lot of noisy, out-of-tune animals. When we finally arrived home last night I noticed that some of the houses in our neighborhood had strings of small lights and fake fire candles in the windows. I guess our neighbors are starting to dress their houses up like the department stores did the day after Halloween. This must mean that this whole Christmas thing is getting closer. Indeed, this is all still very bizarre to me. So long Thanksgiving. Christmas here I come.

My First Turkey Day

Daddy says that deep frying is the best way to enjoy Tom Turkey. I sure hope Mommy makes some pureed, deep fried Tom for me. Anything will be better than that Gerber 'Turkey & Turkey Gravy.'

I'm taking the day off tomorrow and the rest of the weekend so that I may recover from entertaining and an overstuffed belly. Please have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, and...

Have a great weekend!

Conspiracy Theory

I'm going to the mall with Cousin Wade today to pay a visit to this Santa character. Apparently, Wade is planning on sitting on Santa's lap so that he may demand gifts of him. I think I'll just observe. This morning, Daddy and I read part (not all because I kept trying to eat the book) of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas in preparation for today's visit. It was my first glimpse of the jolly, overweight, tobacco-smoking old man dressed in red. If I were Wade I would be scared...very scared. If I could I would run. Instead, I'll stay in my stroller and hope that Daddy doesn't get me too close to the action. It would be nice to make some gift demands and ask some questions, but it's probably not worth the risk. I'd like to know how this guy really does it and why. It all seems a little strange, but it's not like there could possibly be a vast Santa conspiracy and that mommies and daddies everywhere would lie to their sweet little baby angels. I'll just take the gifts and ask questions later.

The Agreement

Mommy returned to work today. It turns out that she was negative for swine flu. Who knows what was wrong with her? All I know is that it was great having her home, sick or not. Even if I was hanging out with Daddy I could demand to see her whenever I wanted. He and I would peer over the couch and look at her. If she wasn't sound asleep and drooling she'd look at me and smile and I would return the favor. I'd then pat her on the head and tell her to get back to sleep.

So now it's just the boys at home. Onyx is being a good boy and we are having fun playing together. He does need a lesson on sharing, but at least he's gentle with me. Please, don't attempt this on your own. Onyx would probably want to play a little more rough with anyone else, particularly with Mommy or Daddy. You see, he and I have an agreement: he's cool with me as long as I occasionally and "accidentally" drop some food from my highchair.

Good boy, Onyx.

Matthew the Antibody

As you may recall, Mommy has been sick with a still unconfirmed case of the flu. She is getting much better, but gets tired after trying to do too much. You may be wondering what is going on inside Mommy and how she's getting better. I've prepared a video to demonstrate the basic struggle between her immune system and the virus it's battling. I'm playing the role of the microscopic circulating antibody who is ready to throw-down on that pesky swine flu virus. The video camera and my toys, painstakingly modeled by me to represent the virus, are in my antibody path of destruction.

Mommy is returning to work tomorrow. Today, Daddy and I will get her off the couch and bring her to the grocery store in order to reintroduce her to the world outside our living room. She'll ride in one of those motorized carts and bark instructions for what groceries to get.

Yesterday, I developed my first cough. I only coughed a few times and it doesn't seem to bother me. Everything else appears to be normal. I must have picked up the cold Daddy has, but without his crying and whining. This cold, however, is about to be bested by my own antibodies. Go get 'em, guys!

Quarantined!

That's what the big sign outside our house says..."Quarantined!" There's also yellow tape around the yard and men wearing protective suits coming to and fro. One of the men is making me wear this:

This is all on account of the doc telling Mommy yesterday that she has H1N1. Lab results will confirm in several days, which is about the time when Mommy will probably be feeling better. Mommy can't go back to work until Tuesday. Woo-hoo!...four day weekend with Mommy! I do wish that it were under better circumstances. The CDC recommends keeping Mommy in her own room with the door shut, that she should wear a mask if she must go into the kitchen or bathroom, that she keep six feet away from anyone and everyone at all times, and for us to avoid making eye contact with her. Sounds reasonable.

How am I feeling? Great! I got the vaccine two weeks ago. So don't worry Mommy, I'll take care of you. For the rest of you out there- stay healthy and...

Have a great weekend!

Origins of Matthew

Hi, it's me, Matthew. It's probably a little difficult to see me when I'm wearing these white pajamas. My complexion is so white and pale that I'm probably all hair, eyes, and lips to you. Why is my skin like this? It may be because if the sun happens to direct some of its rays at me Mommy will jump in the way and sacrifice her own body just to keep the light off of my skin. With these kinds of things Mommy is faster than the speed of light. She says that, like her and Daddy, the sun will burn my skin and I'll become red if only exposed to the sun for a few seconds. I've gathered that being overly white has something to do with my heritage. Now, I know I'm not going to remember to include and get everything right, but I did some investigating on my heritage and this is what I found. Daddy says that I am a European mixture: from French political exiles to horse stealing Dutchmen, pillaging Norwegians, and mostly, "silly" Irishmen. I'm not sure what the "silly" refers to but Daddy says we should just keep it at that for now. He said he'd clue me in when I'm 21 if I haven't figured it out by then. Mommy and Daddy predicted they would have very light complected, almost translucent skinned children. I must be living verification of that prediction.

Caretaker

Good morning. I don't have a lot of time to write because apparently I'm doing the caretaking today. Mommy is back to work after being sick, but now Daddy appears to be sick (wimp). Even Onyx has seemed a little under the weather with a runny nose and drooling; although today he is relentless in trying to get Daddy and I to play with him. So I guess today I have to wear the big boy pants and take care of everything. I should probably go put both Daddy and Onyx down for a nap. Evidently, the "caretakee," if you will, has become the caretaker.

Birthday Suit For Two

Happy Birthday, Gammy and Aunt Bethy! I hope you both have a great day. I know I'm enjoying the day. I was lucky enough to wear the birthday suit a little longer this morning in order to account for two birthdays. I felt so natural and "free" while doing my morning exercise. Check out that muscle tone!

I have to commend the cleanup crew for a job well done this morning. After the photo shoot they found where I had taken the liberty to relieve myself in the crib. They also found some dog hair in my bait and tackle region after I rolled around on the floor. I typically like to have a bottle to help settle me down after the production. Well, after this morning's shoot, I proceeded to spit up all over myself just as I had finished the bottle. I haven't done this in a while, but it felt good. Thank you, cleanup crew, whoever you are, for taking care of all of this. By the way, Mommy, I most certainly will need a bath tonight. In fact, I may need two.

Where's My Size?

The other day I visited Cousin Yvette's blog in which the title of the last posting read, "Where's My Hair?" Her mommy went on to write that Yvette had gone to the doctor the other day and was measured at, "17lbs.6oz and 26.5 inches long (60th and 75th percentiles, respectively)." Wow, Yvette is 7 weeks younger than me but is practically my size! It's not like she's one of those "worlds biggest" Chinese babies you see in the tabloids at the grocery store. Those babies are known to devour their own mothers. No, Yvette is where she should be. Instead, I believe that I'm soon to be medically labeled, "Shrimp." So Yvette, what is your secret? Are you taking performance enhancing milk, prunes, and apples? Perhaps all your energy and nutrient intake is helping your body grow, whereas most of mine is going towards the growth of my luxurious, strawberry-blond hair. Let's make a deal, shall we? I'll trade you some hair (I may even have a little left over for your daddy) for some of that "nutrition" you're using. Either way, Yvette, the next time you see me please don't push me around. I'll be good and obey. Remember, after this baby development thing girls typically grow faster and earlier than boys do. I probably won't catch up to you and the other 35% of babies out there until I'm 16. Daddy says he knows how this works because of the childhood growth difference between he and your mommy. I'm hoping that history, at least in this situation, does not repeat itself.

The Princess and Me

So I woke up this morning at 4:38 AM for my pre-breakfast meal. It's enough of a meal to fill my tummy to help me go back to sleep until 6 or 7. This is now what I normally do. This morning, however, I decided to remain awake. I guess Mommy's excitement for Aunt Bethy's arrival today has rubbed off on me. My excitement kept me awake. Mommy's excitement could have slept until 6 AM. Mommy is feeling much better today and returned to work after we hung out for a couple of hours this morning. The rest of the day will entail getting ready for the weekend. Mommy says we have to have everything sparkling clean for the princess's arrival. Mommy and I get to have Aunt Bethy all to ourselves. I've got a lot in store for her: like having her change my borderline blowout diapers, applying my eye medicine, cleaning my face after eating pureed meat, etc. I figure Mommy could use more time to just sit back and relax. Then, if Aunt Bethy fails to pay attention to me for even a few seconds, I'll use my attention grabbing technique of yelling, "hey":

Okay, so I'm a little tired this morning after missing the rest of my sleep. Daddy likes that I can just fall asleep while eating in my high chair. His reasoning centers around the fact that instead of increasing my crankiness, like in the past, I just fall asleep instead. He's hoping that I start doing this in other places, such as the floor when I've been playing and crawling around, or while I'm in my crib at 4:38 AM.

Well, I really need to continue this nap. It's important that I restore as much attention summoning energy as I can get in order to keep Aunt Bethy on her toes.

Have a great weekend!

Importance of Sleep in Children

Do you know what happens when I miss my afternoon nap? To answer that question all you have to do is watch this video which was taken during the eating of my dinner Tuesday night.

That's actually the first time I've fallen asleep in my high chair but not the first time I've missed my afternoon nap. I guess you could say that, in addition to missing some sleep, the food and dinner conversation were a bit bland that night.

Yesterday, in celebrating eight months outside the womb, I went to the doctor. Unfortunately, it wasn't that much fun. Instead, it turns out that I have an eye infection. It's probably a result of having my first observed-by-adults cold this past weekend. The cold was characterized by a runny nose and waking every hour Sunday night. If anything else was bothering me, such as a sore throat or a headache, I'm not telling because I'm a tough guy. I'd rather just continuously wake Mommy and Daddy throughout the night. So now I'm feeling better but poor Mommy is sick with a cold. Then again, I don't mind that she's sick because that means she gets to stay home with me today. She'll help Daddy hold me down so they can put drops in my eyes. The drop application process is silly and the drops don't bother me. Maybe I can get this on video. I'm just glad to be in my Mama's arms. Maybe if I snuggle with her I'll make her feel better.

By the way, I came into eight months weighing 17 pounds, 14 ounces (my height was not taken). I'm still, and probably always will be, somewhere in the 25% range on the growth chart. I really thought that my protruding, dunlop belly would push me past some of my peers. I guess not.

Eight Months

Who's eight months old? Me? Already? Daddy tells me that I'm getting so big and agile that it's getting very difficult to take this monthly picture. I just can't seem to stop grabbing that piece of paper. The photographer took about 30 pictures and only two came out without that paper in my mouth. Anyway, yes, it's been eight awesome months. Thanks again, Mommy.

How big is Matthew?

Soooo Big!!!

Library Hopping

Hello, everyone. There's not too much going on this morning. I have almost a full day of errands and fun planned, so I'm getting my crawling exercises in early. The evolution of my crawl is quite remarkable. Okay, maybe not remarkable, but at least I'm creeping and crawling forward and not only moving sideways in a roll. If it weren't for my big, healthy belly I'd be going even faster. I have to figure out how to get that belly off the ground and move at the same time. What do I like to crawl to? Mainly wires and stereo equipment, or whatever makes Mommy and Daddy get up off their seat.

I'm pretty excited because today we're trying out a new story time at a library in the next town over. We plan to hit up all the local libraries to fill the week with these awesome story times. This afternoon, I have to go to the dentist with Daddy. I guess he needs someone to hold his hand. I plan to ask the dentist if he knows of any secrets to getting those first teeth to present themselves. But first, following my post, Daddy, Onyx, and I are walking to the bank. We're not sure if they allow babies and dogs in the bank lobby. If not, Daddy plans to tie either one or both of Onyx and I outside to a tree.

Happy Tuesday!

Laughing

On August 24th, I told you all to "stay tuned for the premiere of my giggle." Thank you for staying tuned in. Now, 78 days later, as rare a video (from Friday night) as that taken of the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot, and without further delay, me laughing. Enjoy.

Awesome

I have so many things to report! Where do I begin? I'm practically out of breath thinking about all three of the awesome things that have occurred over the past 24 hours. It's like when Mommy and Aunt Bethy get together after not seeing each other for a long time. There's so much they have to catch up on. They begin conversing so fast that, unless you record it so that the conversation can be slowed down, broken down into bits and pieces, and analyzed by scientists, there's no way you can understand what they're saying. I'll start with yesterday's story time (Cuddle Time), or as I like to call it, Awesome Time.

First, let me begin by mentioning that I was a little tired by the time Awesome Time, 11:30, rolled around. I woke up at 3:55 AM that morning and stayed awake for about an hour. I'm not sure why I did this. I then slept until 8 AM but refused to take my usual two hour morning nap. Daddy tried his hardest, but I bested him in the, "You need a nap/No I don't," competition. I did not fall asleep until the exact moment we pulled into the library parking lot. Of course I then I had to be woken from my 30 second slumber. I only mention the above because things can get a little rough if I get too sleepy. Anyway, I had no problems with being over-tired during Awesome Time. There were seven other babies there with their mothers. My Daddy was the lone male over the age of one. I'm happy to report that he was able to make it through okay. It was awesome hanging out with these other babies, and the librarian put on an awesome show. For one awesome half-hour, we listened and participated in an awesome selection of literature, poetry, and music. I even screamed with excitement at the librarian. Who of you can honestly say that you've screamed at a librarian in a library? That's what I thought. I recommend story time to all you babies out there. Please visit and support your local library. Libraries are awesome.

Last night I had an awesome bath, as usual. I'm really good at splashing now. Notice that at the very end of the video (below) that I stood and emptied my bladder. It's a relieving feeling and it sounds awesome as the pee hits the water. It's now my new and awesome thing.

Finally, during breakfast this morning, I saw something I'd never seen before. I can't explain it. I looked out the kitchen window and noticed little white things everywhere, floating down onto the trees and ground. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I'm going to have to get outside and check this out. But first, especially after missing two hours of sleep yesterday, I need a nap. Good-nap, and as always, stay awesome and...

Have a great weekend!

Cuddle Time

Good morning. Today I am going to my first story time at the library. The library calls it, "Cuddle Time," for those in my age group. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. It didn't help to wake up and find Mommy had already left for the day. Why is this a problem? It's a problem because she forgot to set out an outfit to wear. So Daddy and I are kind of freaking out. She knows that we are both incapable of picking out an appropriate outfit for public wear. I've got to look good. There will be other babies there probably judging my appearance. What if there are mommies there recruiting gentleman callers for their baby girls? And what's the deal with the 'cuddle' thing. No one's going to want to cuddle with a baby wearing clothes that don't match. I'd go just in my diaper, but it's like 30 degrees outside. Daddy and I looked at about 10 different outfits. Notice that I didn't say that I tried them all on. It practically takes all the king's horses and all the king's men to get me dressed. We found one we think might work. Be honest, how do I look?