Letter to Santa

Dearest Santa Claus,

I hope this letter finds you well. This is my first customary “Letter to Santa,” as it is my first Christmas. Therefore, I must plead ignorance and apologize if I inadvertently break from the traditional letter to you. Before I begin my attempt at the proper procedure for this letter, I must ask that you please forward your Christmas Eve delivery of my gifts to Connecticut this year. I will not be spending Christmas at home and would hate the thought that all my gifts are somewhere else on Christmas morning. Furthermore, I do not want you to think any less of me as a host if you do come to my house and there are no cookies and milk for you or carrots for that “special” reindeer with the light bulb for a nose. Now that logistics are taken care of, let us advance to the real reason why I’m writing this letter.

I truly believe that I have been a good boy this past year despite what the baby in the space-like helmet may think. It was self-defense, honestly. Speaking of the past year, I hope that you overlook the fact that I’ve really only been around for nine months. If your gift list is based on proportionality of time then so be it, I understand. If so, then perhaps you may consider rounding up. I probably should not mention this, and I’m glad that you only consider time spent out of the womb in terms of naughty and nice, but I was not very nice to Mommy when I was inside her tummy. Then again, my naughtiness of causing Mommy to have severe nausea was done in the first 16 weeks which was so 2008. I’m sure you can also find a way to blame Daddy for this one. Either way, I’m in the clear.

Now for my list:
1. the rest of my teeth, pain free
2. the ability to use words, verbally
3. walking legs
4. a treat for my dog, Onyx
5. to have Mommy feel rested without having to sleep
6. a high definition television
7. a promise that some day, when I’m able to, to know why people celebrate Christmas and to understand the true meaning (for now I plead ignorance based on the fact that I’m nine months old and really only in it so I can get my teeth around some wrapping paper)

I admit that this is not a very traditional list, but I know that my family is going to inundate me with plenty of those gifts. There’s no problem with trying to make the most of this Christmas, is there?

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Give my best to the Mrs., whatever you think my best may be.

Signed, Your Little Elf, Matthew, a.k.a., MJD, a.k.a., Little D.