What Does A Matthew Say?

There are many things people try to teach you when you're a baby. Most things are just "cute" tricks, while others appear necessary to learn in order to be a successful member of society. One such learning objective deemed important in my house is the ability to duplicate animal noises. To be honest, I'm not really catching on yet and I'm a little nervous about it. Mommy and Daddy are constantly drilling me, asking, "What does a pig say?" or "What does Onyx say? He says, 'woof!'" We even work on these sounds at story time. Once, everyone at story time thought I was saying a duck sound. They were very impressed. Little did they know that I was simply trying to push some gas out of my system, making a sound that I guess resembles that of a duck quacking. If you don't think the importance of learning animal sounds are stressed in today's youth, then just take a look at all my animal stuff: books, puzzles, stuffed animals, etc. My parents even got me a black Labrador retriever for goodness sakes.

I've been lost with this whole thing and searching for a way out. That's when I found an enlightening book. It's a book that opened a new world for me that doesn't place such emphasis on animal sounds. In fact, it's about Old MacDonald and his farm animals, who apparently are attempting to escape their stereotypical animal sound shadows. The book is called, Old MacDonald had a Woodshop. Instead of teaching animal noises, the book explores a wide variety of noises that tools make. For now, it is my rebellious escape.

Regardless, if I'm going to make it to the top I guess I'm eventually going to have to learn my animal sounds. I can see it now: my first interview for school or a job. The interviewer will say or ask, "Tell me a little about yourself," and, "If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?" Satisfied with my answers thus far, he or she then asks, "What does a cow say?" That's when I draw a blank. Finally, after what seems like an eternity of silence, I respond, "How big am I? Soooo big!"