The Crisco Kid

Oh! Hello there. I didn't see you come in. I'm checking and testing out a product I'm now endorsing. It's a breathable bumper from BreathableBaby. Not only is it "Recommended and Tested by Pediatricians," it's also recommended and tested by me. So to all you new parents out there: be sure to pick one of these up. Unlike your standard bumper it reduces the risk of suffocation, it impedes climbing, promotes airflow, and has no dangerous ties. And unlike having no bumper at all it keeps arms and legs inside to prevent entanglement. In other words, it prevents your knee from getting stuck when you jamb your entire leg through an open crib slat. This last feature is why I decided to put my name behind this wonderful, entangle-preventing product. This reminds me of a story I've been meaning to tell you. It happened about 2 weeks ago. Mommy, Daddy and my "little" cousins were all working on my new room. I was watching them and just hanging out in my crib. I was kicking the side of my crib because I like to kick stuff. Well, with one kick my leg decided not to come back. Instead my entire knee when through the slat. My chubby thigh and knee tucked themselves around the surrounding crib slats. I was stuck and not happy. Everyone tried to get me loose. The rest of me looked like I was riding a mechanical bull. My head, arms, and trunk were thrashing about and I was screaming so loud that if anyone in the neighborhood had a solution to my problem they would hear me and know what to do. The rest of the story is kind of a blur. Mommy kept her cool and told Daddy to get some butter. Daddy didn't keep his cool and ran for the saw. When Daddy came back Mommy had a package of Crisco (which I'm also now endorsing) that she applied to my leg and the slats. Like magic she was able to free my leg. There was Crisco everywhere: on the crib sheet, the slats, me, Mommy and Daddy. Onyx was happy to help clean up. I can look back and laugh about it now. The pain didn't last long but the bruise showed for a couple of days. But now thanks to BreathableBaby I shouldn't have to worry about that happening again. In fact, I plan on using it as a step when I figure out how to break out of here. Thanks, BreathableBaby!