The Great Dilemma

The following is a translation of the video above.

Some background information: I am an 'Ostie.' I was born that way. My understanding is that anyone from Mommy's family with a particular last name in which 'Ostie' is derived from or linked to that family can be called 'Ostie.' Apparently, there were suddenly so many Osties in my Gramp's generation that they all needed to be categorized so they could tell each other apart. For some reason their first names weren't enough. Then Mommy's generation was also categorized. For instance, my Gramp is 'Ostie 2'. Mommy is 'Ostie A' and Aunt Bethy is 'Ostie C'. Gramp was the second born in his generation and Mommy and Aunt Bethy were first and third in theirs. So how is all of this information supposed to make your life better? It's not, but stick with me. If you notice in the video all of my Ostie Wear says 'Ostie' but does not have any categorical following. Right now I am Ostie __. We can't use numbers and we can't use letters because they're already in use. Family and friends are attempting to figure out what my generation should use. I even hear that consultants and lawyers have been hired. Here is a sample of the suggestions so far: the Greek alphabet (Ostie Alpha, Beta, Gamma...); an extension of our parents (Ostie A.1, B.2, A.3, or AJ1, BK2...); Roman numerals (Ostie I, II, III, IV...); colors (Red, Orange, Yellow...); beer (Amstel, Budweiser, Coors...); plus a whole bunch of others, some good and some not so good. So please family, will you help me figure out this dilemma? How long can I be Ostie __? My Ostie Gear is not complete. Also, keep in mind that we could have so many more Osties unlike past generations who only had five original members. Suppose I end up having 11 brothers and sisters and Aunt Bethy and her and Mommy's cousins all have another 12 each. The alphabet would not be suitable for this. There aren't enough keys on this keyboard that I'm learning to use. But at this point, being the first Ostie of my generation, I'll take just about anything.

Yesterday I was not myself. I was tired, cranky and my teeth hurt. Mommy and Daddy didn't know what to do. Even the baseball game on Television couldn't help. But then I totally redeemed myself. I, Matthew Jeffrey, slept the entire night last night for the first time ever (cue the chorus of Hallelujah). It was 9 straight, blissful hours. Mommy woke up this morning bright-eyed and refreshed, as if she hadn't had a full night sleep in almost 6 months. As I was calling to her to come get me out of my crib I heard her rise from her bed and say, "That was the best night of sleep ever!" You're welcome, Mommy.