Happy Birthday, Cousin Sarah. I'm wearing my best "outfit" just for you. Luckily you gave me a star-projection turtle that doubles as a "sensitive material" cover. By "sensitive material," I mean the parts that make a photograph of someone my age illegal on the Internet. Do you understand what I mean even with all this "quotation" stuff? Of course you do. We have to use the turtle because I don't want my production crew running into trouble with the law for what could and should be a harmless photo of a handsome one-year-old coincidentally displaying his manhood-defining features.
Speaking of my manhood features, I'm sure the doctor will take a look at them and the rest of me for my one-year visit today. I'm curious as to my current height and weight. I've been eating so much lately in preparation for increasing these measurements. What else might the doctor notice? Well... I have six teeth now so I've got that going for me. I had zero teeth showing at my nine-month appointment. What else... oh yeah, I'm now walking while holding onto only one of Mommy or Daddy's hands. Actually, I'm kind of taking some steps on my own between Mommy and Daddy. We'd film this and show you but we fear that in this age of instant replay, all of you, who also happen to be my critics, may watch and rewind until you disagree with what I and my parents think are my first steps. When I'm walking totally on my own, and there's no mistaking that it's technically walking, I'll be sure to let you know. I mean c'mon, it'll be such big news that my videographer and video editor will probably have the whole thing in slow motion and to the soundtrack of Chariots of Fire.
Okay, I had better go catch a nap. I want to get as much quality growing time in as possible before the big weigh-in. Wish me luck at the doctor and wish my Cousin Sarah a happy 25th birthday.
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